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Thread: Computer FAQ!

  1. #1
    In And Above Man Black Cluster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005

    Computer FAQ!

    As we spend a lot time in front of our platforms, I get so many unsolicited comments...
    Some of them...

    What the hell are you doing? You are spending almost all your time doing nothing?...Why you always play on the Internet?... and so many SILLY questions.... I usually start to laugh... and sometimes I get really mad...

    Others, start to ask me some really .. I dunno what to call them....
    Anyways, thay do get me mad... and some people here are totally far away from technology...

    Here are some questions...

    1- Does the computer answer any question I may ask???? .... This is Most frequently asked question... afffffffffffff...

    2- Does the computer talk?...... This questions makes me quite speechless....

    3- And old man asked me once... Please son, tell the computer to drop a BIG Hi to my little boy in France?...

    4- A computer newbie asked.... Which part is the Most important the CPU or the MotherBoard? ... This boy will Never prosper in the computing business... I replied "Which is more important your Brain or your Head??" ... He got the meaning...

    5- Don't you think that the computer is the best game platform... It is even better PS2, Xbox and Dream Cast?.... I said Absolutely.... Beyond Remedy guy!....

    6- What is the best way to send an e-mail, typing it directly in the compose erea or type it first on a Word page and then copy/paste it?.....

    7- And today...
    I replied: "Hi"
    Hey Said: " I wan to send some words to my friend in Germany, they recommend me to send them via e-mail"
    Me: "Oh, yes sure. Have you got an e-mail account??"
    He: "No, I don't need one, I just want to send the words.. that's it"

    And lots.. of this pathetic questions.... What really hurts that they go back all over again and ask the same questions again and again... this is a real pain in the nick???

    Have you ever been asked such questions?... I bet yes...

    \"The only truly secure system is one that is powered off, cast in a block of concrete and sealed in a lead-lined room with armed guards - and even then I have my doubts\".....Spaf
    Everytime I learn a new thing, I discover how ignorant I am.- ... Black Cluster

  2. #2
    Hoopy Frood
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    lol. Those are better than most of the questions I while working tech support. I got some stupid ones, though... I always enjoyed it when a customer tried to connect through dialup while I was talking to them with only one phone line even after I told them it wouldn't connect. /grin. Good times. Can't wait till I do it again this summer!

    - Xierox
    "Personality is only ripe when a man has made the truth his own."

    -- Søren Kierkegaard

  3. #3
    Senior Member gore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    I have these beat so bad...

    One day this woman, called me up, she works with my Mom at work and so the phone rings, it's 10 in the morning and I'd been in bed about 3 hours, and she asks me "How do I delete an Icon off the desktop?"

    Me figuring out exactly what powdered tooth enamle tastes like..

    "Are you ****ing kidding me?"

    "No, come on I need help"

    "I know, but I don't do that kind of help, I'm just a computer guy"

    "Allen come on I need to know how"

    I had read online where something similar had happened to someone in tech support, and I lived that moment as I said:

    "Do you have the boxes and things your POS computer came in?"

    She has a shitty computer which is a P1 133 she thinks she can sell for over a thousand dollars.

    "Yea why?"

    "Go in there and grab the manual, take it out of the shrink wrap, I know damn well you never read the ****ing thing and look for the number to tech support"

    "Oh you're going ot be like that and make me call them and ask?"

    "No, call them and tell them you're to ****ing stupid to own a computer and could they please come by and take it away from you"

    Then I hung up.

    I lay back down and my Mom calls pissing herself laughing.

    She couldn't believe I said that and I told her what time I got home from work, which was about 6 AM.

    For REALLY shitty stuff I've heard go to the AO Sound Off thread for 2004, and read my posts, my aunt has made me want to shoot myself with stupidity.

    For a taste of what you will read:

    My aunt told me in college she was a programmer. Trying to think not to hard how she told me once she was a hacker and how she can't even check her email without it giving her a problem, and how she opens EVERY attachment sent to her, and replies to SPAM and how she believes every mail sent to her, I just sat there for a minute..... Then I laughed remembering I sent her a "Guilible Virus" Warning and how it infected people and made them believe everything sent to them..... And how she asked my Mom if she had gotten it or if "Allen just fixed it for her" and if Anti Virus could protect against it..... And just said uhhhh OK?

    she tells me then that when she was in College she "Programmed in Linux"

    I tell her how Linux has only been around since 1991 and she says "No you're wrong, I programmed it in college"

    Let me point something out:


    I've argued with her for hours upon hours and gotten no where, you can't make her believe anything unless you send it in an email as SPAM..... For some reason she believes that. Her son, my cousin, goes through hell sometimes and I feel BAD for her Husband, my Uncle, which he is ****ing awesome and saves me from stabbing sometimes.

    So I grab a Linux book and showe her, no, you didn't, it wasn't even thought of until 1991.

    She then says "Well It was something I programmed in".

    Remembering how confused she was when I showed her HTML once, I kind if giggled and asked what language.

    Of course she didn't remember.

    I name off every coding language that was in college class levels, and she says know to all of them and says it was letters.....


    "No, it was old and probably not used anymore"

    "Uhhhhh, most of the things you would use in college would still be used now"

    "Well I'm not sure"

    "C? C++?"




    She goes on and how good she was at it

    Then finally my Uncle gets back and says.... Woman, you were in data entry, you never programmed in your life all you learned how to do was type **** someone put in front of you.

    I BUST out laughing. (**** it after 3 hours of her being coder of the year I had to)

    Come to find out not only was she never a coder, she was in ****ing Data Entry, the **** they train Monkeys to do.

    And this is only the tip of the ice for Titanic stupidity I have dealt with.

    She told me a few weeks ago the reason I'm dying is because I got a shot of Morphine in the Hospital that week.

    "Morphine is strong Allen, it causes Heart Problems it's addictive and you're lucky you're not hooked on it now"

    "I only had one shot you can't get addicted off one shot"

    "Oh yes you can! And you can die and it can make you need it every day after just one shot"

    "Ummm, no"

    "Yes! It's correct, you can after one time!"

    Trying very very hard to not kill her.

    "No you can't, you would need to take it about 3 times a day for more than a week to get even a small addiction"

    "No you're wrong"

    I gave up. She's..... Blah.

    Read the Sound off thread Phernendez made and read my **** there, there is way more I'm not typing.

    I really worry about her though, like, I really honestly think there is something wrong with her.

    She was telling me she didn't want to have to perform an Excorcism on her son when I took him to see an evil movie.. I'm not sure what the HELL is wrong with her, but she actually said that. Somehow she had it worked out a Horror movie would posses him to the point she herself would need to save his ass.


  4. #4
    Gray Haired Old Fart aeallison's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2002
    Buffalo, Missouri USA
    The one that has amazed me for years....

    Caller: Do you sell modems?

    Me: Yes we do (said cheerfully)

    Caller: How much are they?

    Me: About $20 for a winmodem, $50 to $75 for a really good one. I install them for free for our customers, bring your box in and I'll fix you right up.

    Caller: Really? How can you guys do that so cheap?

    Me: We try to cater to our customers. A happy customer is a returning customer.

    Caller: Cool. I'll see you in a little while.

    The customer brings in their tower as I expected. After a few minutes she decides on the cheapo for $20. I tell her to come back in an hour or 2 and it will be ready.

    An hour later she comes in and sees her compy sitting on the counter where she left it... Oh you haven't started on it yet? You must be very busy.

    No ma'am, its done... I hand her a receipt...

    Oh? Where is it?

    With a puzzled look on my face I point to her compy sitting a foot away from her.

    That is my old modem, where is my new one?

    I knew at that moment that my day was REALLY going to suck.....

    I should have learned after years of working tech support in my one horse town that this would happen. This was probably the 1000th time I had to explain that the modem was inside the box, not the box itself.
    I have a question; are you the bug, or the windshield?

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2003
    Rochester, New York
    ever have the people who dont know what operating system they are on :-p

  6. #6
    Hoopy Frood
    Join Date
    Jun 2004
    Originally posted here by Simo
    ever have the people who dont know what operating system they are on :-p
    Altogether too common. I always liked it when I asked them what OS and they said, "Internet Explorer" or something. ^_^

    - Xierox
    "Personality is only ripe when a man has made the truth his own."

    -- Søren Kierkegaard

  7. #7
    In And Above Man Black Cluster's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    gore, I think who starts a conversation with you, will get in troubles soon.. lol ...

    I have just remembered a nice event... Two months ago, I was with my friend in his OS introduction course at the Informatics College... One of the students raised his hand to ask a question...
    The professor: "What's your question?"
    Student: "Sir, what DOS stands for?"
    Professor: "It stands for nothing, it is only named after the french mathematical scientist James Dos"...

    Oh! my God!.. WTF he is talkin' about?.. I said... and I strated laughing... He noticed that... he fired me from the calss and promised to explode me from the university... I told him that I'm not a student here...

    You know what?... Even nominally computer professora.. may get it wrong and answer questions that are supposed to be trivia, incorrectly.
    \"The only truly secure system is one that is powered off, cast in a block of concrete and sealed in a lead-lined room with armed guards - and even then I have my doubts\".....Spaf
    Everytime I learn a new thing, I discover how ignorant I am.- ... Black Cluster

  8. #8
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Gore: you should have gotten an award or something. I would have been throwing furniture at some point.

    I used to work in an Orthodontic Software company that would provide office setups and training. Oh - what joy. Let me paint the general scenario. The demographic of the office staff was 99.99% female, which is fine - all were highly intelligent and organized... until you would find out most of them never operated a computer and some believed dark, terrible things about those "damned boxes from Hell!" One person in Charleston told me that she believed computers stole part of your soul every time you used them - I was not sure if she was kidding or not - she had the "1000 yard stare." The doctors (predominately male - with attitudes) wanted to bring in the technology obviously to streamline and improve their business, and would most of the time, not tell what he was doing to the staff until about 1-2 weeks before we would show up. Good times.

    Nothing like setting up Unix - that's right Unix - workstations for a offices of newbies and then being the first teacher they had EVER had for computers - while they were also trying to run the office. I can still feel the years slipping off of my life... ahh - there it is. Your stories made me think about doing support over the phone, realizing that was not for me, then they had me to office setups - which was great - then the teaching... I swear it would have been easier to teach 1st graders about Unix versus older women who had never seen a computer that close before in their lives. And yes - I had on more than one occasion explain not to use that tray that comes out of the computer as a drink holder and that foot pedal thing - is not really a foot pedal - but a mouse. And that the monitor was not for TV - "it's just for lookin' thru"

    My favorite doc of all time tho was a guy in Texas that swore at everyone! I think he even swore at his patients - I was his "best lil' Unix SOB." Good times... I'm glad they're over.
    \"An ant may well destroy a whole dam.\" - Chinese Proverb
    \"Not only can water float a craft, it can sink it also.\" - Chinese Proverb

  9. #9
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    here is an incident.

    my teacher was siting on PC trying to edit some docs from floppy and she was having some trouble and asked me forhelp.

    she: I am having problem its working too slow.
    me : copy the doc to desktop first.
    she : How??
    me : i copied and pasted for her.
    (then she finished her work typing some thing)
    she : how do i sav this doc
    me : use tht floppy button on the top
    she : is my doc saved on floppy
    Me :

  10. #10
    Senior Member gore's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    Originally posted here by KuiXing-2005
    Gore: you should have gotten an award or something. I would have been throwing furniture at some point.
    I did. AntiOnline admins from Jupiter sent me one for the Sound Off 2004 thread. Which I thought was REALLY nice of them. Remember how I bitched and moaned because I wanted to win that cop when the contest started? Heh, when it was over they picked me and Horsey as Runner ups for what we had put up with and sent me the cup with a thank you from them.

    I can easily tell you the cup may seem high priced but it's so worth it. Very nice cup, not that I paid for it but I for sure would.

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