Politics Explained Using Cows
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Thread: Politics Explained Using Cows

  1. #1
    () \/V |\| 3 |) |3\/ |\|3G47|\/3
    Join Date
    Sep 2002

    Smile Politics Explained Using Cows

    I never read tech humor. I don't have it on my front AO page. I really don't care about humor in a technical forum. However, I got this today and thought it was funny. I'm sure we can all find ourselves falling into one of these categories.

    If any of you are offended...then you have no sense of humor. I'm pretty sure almost everyone is made fun of here.


    You have two cows.

    Your neighbor has none.

    You feel guilty for being successful.

    Barbara Streisand sings for you.


    You have two cows.

    Your neighbor has none.



    You have two cows.

    The government takes one and gives it to your


    You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.


    You have two cows.

    The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

    You wait in line for hours to get it.

    It is expensive and sour.


    You have two cows.

    You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.


    You have two cows.

    Under the new farm program the government pays

    you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours

    the milk down the drain.


    You have two cows.

    You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

    You force the two cows to produce the milk of

    four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops

    dead. You spin an announcement to

    the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.

    Your stock goes up.


    You have two cows.

    You go on strike because you want three cows.

    You go to lunch and drink wine.

    Life is good.


    You have two cows.

    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and

    produce twenty times the milk.

    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.

    Most are at the top of their class at cow school.


    You have two cows.

    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink

    lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and

    run a hundred miles an hour.

    Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.


    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

    You break for lunch.

    Life is good.


    You have two cows.

    You have some vodka.

    You count them and learn you have five cows.

    You have some more vodka.

    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

    The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows

    you really have.


    You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.

    You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature' private parts.

    You get a $40 million grant from the US

    government to find alternatives to milk

    production but use the money to buy weapons.


    You have two cows.

    They go into hiding.

    They send radio tapes of their mooing.


    You have two bulls.

    Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.


    You have one cow.

    The cow is schizophrenic.

    Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.

    The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.

    The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.

    The cow asks permission to be cut in half.

    The cow dies happy.


    You have a black cow and a brown cow.

    Everyone votes for the best looking one.

    Some of the people who actually like the brown

    one best accidentally vote for the black one.

    Some people vote for both.

    Some people vote for neither.

    Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.

    Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell

    you which one you think is the best-looking cow.


    You have millions of cows.

    They make real California cheese.

    Only five speak English.

    Most are illegals.

    Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.

    Go Finland!
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  2. #2
    ********** |ceWriterguy
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Texas Corporation -
    You have 7550 cows, and one very happy bull that's pedigreed.
    You slaughter 4000 cows, and sell their carcasses.
    You hire up 3 illegals to 'acquire' semen from the bull.
    You sell the semen too, for more money than the 4000 cow carcasses.
    That's just on the 'South 40'
    You have a helicopter to take you to inspect the 'North 40'
    On the way you spot the Cattlemen's club.
    You stop for lunch.
    Life is good.
    Even a broken watch is correct twice a day.

    Which coder said that nobody could outcode Microsoft in their own OS? Write a bit and make a fortune!

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Serbian Neighbor:

    You have two cows, your neighbor has four.

    You pray to God every day that the neighbor's cows will die, not because you have something to gain from it, but because they have something to lose.

    Alright Brain, you don\'t like me, and I don\'t like you. But let\'s just do this, and I can get back to killing you with beer.
    -- Homer S.

  4. #4
    T̙͓̞̣̯ͦͭͅͅȂͧͭͧ̏̈͏̖̖Z̿ ͆̎̄
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    Canadian Company:

    You have two cows
    your neighboring company has two cows
    the government taxes the cows
    runs the companies out of business
    they attempt to commit suicide
    the government supplies the health care to make them recover
    and raises their taxes to pay for it
    they move to the U.S. or the Bahamas
    buy more cows
    get rich
    then get tax breaks from the government for selling back into Canada

  5. #5
    Flash M0nkey
    Join Date
    Sep 2001
    well if everyone is doing it

    you dont know how many cows you have
    you dont care how many cows you have
    cause cows dont produce alcohol

  6. #6
    BS, EnCE, ACE, Cellebrite 11001001's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Just West of Beantown, though nobody from Beantown actually calls it "Beantown."

    The government ships you two cows.

    The government taxes you based on the number of cows you own.

    You throw the cows into the ocean.
    That's Officer 11001001 to you...
    Now you see me | Now you don't
    "Relax, Bender; It was just a dream. There's no such thing as two." ~ Fry
    sometimes my computer goes down on me

  7. #7
    They call me the Hunted foxyloxley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    3rd Rock from Sun
    Scouse [Liverpool] Company :

    You HAD two cows :

    Now, some udder thieving dirtbag has them ..................
    55 - I'm fiftyfeckinfive and STILL no wiser,
    OLDER yes
    Beware of Geeks bearing GIF's
    come and waste the day :P at The Taz Zone

  8. #8
    AO Soccer Mom debwalin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    I want to be Italian. Well, except I'd be looking at beautiful men.
    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  9. #9
    I'd rather be fishing DjM's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2001
    The Great White North
    Originally posted here by debwalin
    Well, except I'd be looking at beautiful men.
    I think we are all glad to here that Deb.


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