Ok, before you look to the left and see my location, etc... I am an alcoholic. I know this, and up to now I have just justified it with being 22, and having a total bachelor pad.

But the other day, something happened while I was drunk that made me really worry about my drinking.

Being memorial weekend, I had a barbeque, and invited a bunch of friends over. Well, we had just gotten done with the first round of food, and I had a good buzz going. Me and my brother started arguing (nothing new there) and a friend of mine ( a girl ) decided to jump in the conversation and push my buttons ( again, nothing new. Alot of my friends will push my buttons, just to see me angry ) . Well, what worries me is that when she started trying to make me angry, I stood up and approached her. I put my hand on her shoulders ( where those pressure points are, we all know THOSE pressure points ) and began to press down ( I do this to all my friends to cause pain, but not physically hurt them, including my brother- except in real fights with him, like all brothers get into, I try to hurt him ) My brother, already pretty heated, tackled me and seriously fought me (punches, kicks, etc..) saying that I was going to hurt her.
Now, where my problem is; I actually, at the instant I put my hands on her, could see myself really hurting her. Not punching, but submisive moves (as is my style in a physical dispute, ie; a fight). Now, before I go any further, no one hates women-beaters more than me. It is disgusting. Period. I hate the filth and scum that beats women. Nothing is more repulsive and disgusting.
But I became worried at putting my hands on her, and being able to see my rage taking over. I do NOT want to become some piece of sh*t that hurts women, yet at that instant, i could see myself doing just that. I am scared of becoming what I hate. Really scared. Any suggestions ?
I don't want to stop drinking, as I am still young, but I am scared of what continued drinking will do to me.