The perfect reply...
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Thread: The perfect reply...

  1. #1
    AO Soccer Mom debwalin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002

    Wink The perfect reply...

    I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past year.

    Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

    Because of your concern, I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

    I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

    I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.

    I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

    I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be *****ed with a needle infected with AIDS.

    I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

    I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

    I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

    I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops.

    I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

    I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.

    I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

    I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

    I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

    I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.

    I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

    Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. (Jeez, the BIBLE did not mention it works that way!)

    I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

    I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

    Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will now return the favor. If you don't send this e-mail to at least
    1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will poop on your head at 5:00 pm tomorrow afternoon and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin's first son's daughter's husband's stepbrother's son.

    Now you have the perfect answer for the next stupid e-mail you get.

    Sorry if it's been posted before, haven't time to look.
    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2002
    I never get this crap actually. I tell all my friends not to send them to me.

    Of course, I'm the crazy preacher type who is constantly telling everyone how this is SPAM and how much spam drives up their Internet bills. They may hate it, but hell, I don't get chain letters. Nobody actually thinks the crap described in these thigs is going to happen (well, maybe there's a few exceptions, but in general...). They forward them because they think it's funny. I find that telling people that you are insulted and annoyed with these time wasters goes a long way to stopping them.

    Will keep this email just in case, though. I'm sure I'll get another chain mail sooner or later.

    And Deb, get your ass back in IRC. We miss you
    Government is like fire - a handy servant, but a dangerous master - George Washington
    Government is not reason, it is not eloquence - it is force. - George Washington.

    Join the UnError community!

  3. #3
    The Doctor Und3ertak3r's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2002
    send this e-mail to at least
    1200 people in the next 60 seconds,
    Your wish is my command Master... spelling corrected for the British Dick and Harry..

    I kid.. yes I do joke.. I only fired it as a reply to a Chain virus Warning, and another Red Cross Chain..

    problem is .. these ppl are so dumb.. it is easier to just black list 90% of your friends.. ..
    especially the ones that get pissed when they find that you didnt forward the mail.. what a lonley existance..
    "Consumer technology now exceeds the average persons ability to comprehend how to use it..give up hope of them being able to understand how it works." - Me

  4. #4
    AO Soccer Mom debwalin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Striek ~ Remember my 'not sitting around all summer' plan? It's been fully activated, and I haven't had time for IRC lately...I miss you guys too, but I just haven't had time. You can PM me anytime you want to though, I usually jump on the computer at least every other day to check e-mails and PM's, and I'll answer you.

    We haven't started the foreign language yet....haven't got bored enough with all the fun stuff to do!
    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

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