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  1. #1
    Senior Member gore's Avatar
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    You live in Michigan if

    Normally I can't stand these types of jokes. But after reading them and realizing each and every one of them is true.... Well they are funny. And they are true.



    You might be a Michigander ...

    ... if you define Summer as three months of bad sledding.

    ... if your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake.

    ... if your family breaks into violence during the UM-MSU game (any sport!).

    ... if snow tires come standard on all your cars.

    ... if at least 50% of your relatives work for the auto industry.

    ... if you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.

    ... if you can identify an Ohio accent.

    ... if owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town.

    ... if you learned to pilot a boat before the training wheels were off your bike.

    ... if you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder.

    ... if you point at the palm of your right hand when telling people where you grew up.

    ... if you don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is.

    ... if someone asks you if you've been to Europe and you answer, "No, but I've been to Ann Arbor..."

    ... if "Down South" to you means Toledo.

    ... if you have any idea who Bob Ufer was.

    ... if octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball.

    ... if traveling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon.

    ... if you refer to your relatives in southern Michigan as "trolls" or "lopers".

    ... if the "Big Three" can mean either Ford, Chrysler and GM or Domino's, Little Ceaser's and Hungry Howie's.

    ... if a Big Mac is something you can drive across.

    ... if you have no problem spelling Mackinac Island.

    ... if you had to get a passport to go to Ohio.

    ... if you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as American ones.

    ... if your kid's baseball or softball games games have been ever been snowed out.

    ... if the trees in your backyard have spigots.

    ... if you know that a place called "Kalamazoo" really exists.

    ... if you bake with "soda" and drink "pop".

    ... if you know what a pastie is.

    ... if you drive 70 mph on the highway and pass on the right.

    ... if your favorite hockey team's mascot is an octopus.

    ... if you have a favorite hockey team.

    ... if you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor's.

    ... if you know how to play Euchre.

    ... if you classify your friends and relatives as "yoopers," "trolls," "Canadians," or "not from 'round here,".

    ... if you know at least 2 yooper jokes.

    ... if fudge and Bicycles remind you of your honeymoon.

    ... if you can name all 5 of the Great Lakes, and point to their locations around your left and right hands.

    ... if you don't cross picket lines.

    ... if you used to think Deer Season included an official school holiday.

    ... if you know that Pontiac and Cadillac are cities.

    ... if you've been to Hell and to Paradise and back again.

    ... if you had Tornado Drills in elementary school.

    ... if you know all the words to Gordon Lightfoot's classic ballad, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

    ... if you can actually pronounce Ypsilanti.

    ... if the first decision you have to make on an international trip is, "bridge or tunnel?"

    ... if you own only three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.

    ... if you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

    ... if you have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

    ... if you have 10 favorite recipes for venison.

    ... if Home Depot on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.

    ... if you've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

    ... if driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.

    ... if you think everyone from the city has an accent.

    ... if you think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

    ... if you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

    ... if the local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.

    ... if your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.

    ... if summer takes place the second week of July (and it still rains!!).

    ... if you know which leaves make good toilet paper.

    ... if you find -20F a little chilly.

    ... if the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.

    ... if you attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots.

    ... if shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.

    ... if you know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.

    ... if the municipality buys a zamboni before a bus.

    ... if you drink "Vernors" and play "Euchre".






    you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through
    18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan

    If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pelston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan

    If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through march, you might live in Michigan

    If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan.

    If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Michigan

    If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan

    If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Michigan

    If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan

    If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan




    YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Michigander WHEN:

    1. "Vacation" means going up north past US 75 for the weekend.
    2. You measure distance in hours.
    3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
    4. You often swi tch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
    5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
    6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
    7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
    8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
    9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
    10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
    11. You know all 4 seasons: almost wi! nter, winter, still winter and road construction.
    12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
    13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
    14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
    15. Down South to you means Indiana
    16. A brat is something you eat.
    17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.
    18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
    19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
    20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
    21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."
    22. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Michigan friends.

  2. #2
    Senior Member gore's Avatar
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    Thought I'd go over these as they apply to me:




    ... if you define Summer as three months of bad sledding.


    Maybe when I was 12.



    ... if your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake.

    Lol, yea.

    ... if your family breaks into violence during the UM-MSU game (any sport!).

    Not fist fights but yes, I'm a Umich guy.



    ... if snow tires come standard on all your cars.

    Heh, yea.



    ... if at least 50% of your relatives work for the auto industry.

    Not 50.





    ... if you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.



    Twice




    ... if you can identify an Ohio accent.

    Yea, you ****ing weirdos.




    ... if owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town.

    You'd get made fun of, but not hung.



    ... if you learned to pilot a boat before the training wheels were off your bike.


    LOL, I was on a boat before I was on a bike.




    ... if you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder.


    I'm from michigan, but not stupid.





    ... if you point at the palm of your right hand when telling people where you grew up.


    Actually I'm under the thumb.



    ... if you don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is.

    It blows ;)



    ... if someone asks you if you've been to Europe and you answer, "No, but I've been to Ann Arbor..."

    Lol, only people in Southeast Michigan can understand that.



    ... if "Down South" to you means Toledo.


    Yup.



    ... if you have any idea who Bob Ufer was.


    Not a clue.



    ... if octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball.


    That's pretty much yes. When you go to hockey here, there is **** like that everywhere.



    ... if traveling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon.

    I live in Port Huron, hahahahaha my town is a state joke.



    ... if you refer to your relatives in southern Michigan as "trolls" or "lopers".


    Yooper = upper peninsula ;)



    ... if the "Big Three" can mean either Ford, Chrysler and GM or Domino's, Little Ceaser's and Hungry Howie's.


    Maybe that's why there are seriously 37 Pizza places in my town alone.



    ... if a Big Mac is something you can drive across.

    Lol.



    ... if you have no problem spelling Mackinac Island.


    Been there ho!


    ... if you had to get a passport to go to Ohio.

    Pffft **** that backwoods ****.



    ... if you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as American ones.

    Hahahahahahahaha, that's so true, those ****ers raid wal - mart.



    ... if your kid's baseball or softball games games have been ever been snowed out.


    Yup, played Baseball in snow before.





    ... if the trees in your backyard have spigots.


    Na.


    ... if you know that a place called "Kalamazoo" really exists.


    Yup lol.



    ... if you bake with "soda" and drink "pop".



    For everyone down south, IT'S POP *******S. NOT COKE.



    ... if you know what a pastie is.

    hehe.




    ... if you drive 70 mph on the highway and pass on the right.


    70 is the speed limit here on most freeways, and no, no one goes that slow unless they want an accident. I've been passed going 115 MPH.




    ... if your favorite hockey team's mascot is an octopus.


    Lol



    ... if you have a favorite hockey team.

    As above.






    ... if you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor's.


    Haha.






    ... if you know how to play Euchre.

    Every weekend.





    ... if you classify your friends and relatives as "yoopers," "trolls," "Canadians," or "not from 'round here,".

    Lol.




    ... if you know at least 2 yooper jokes.


    Heh.



    ... if fudge and Bicycles remind you of your honeymoon.


    Heh, people who have never been here don't know.




    ... if you can name all 5 of the Great Lakes, and point to their locations around your left and right hands.

    I live by one.




    ... if you don't cross picket lines.


    Only if you want your head whacked open.



    ... if you used to think Deer Season included an official school holiday.


    LOL it does.




    ... if you know that Pontiac and Cadillac are cities.


    Went to my first big concert in Pontiac. Clutch Cargos hoes!




    ... if you've been to Hell and to Paradise and back again.

    For people not here:

    Hell is a city in Michigan.



    ... if you had Tornado Drills in elementary school.


    Yea, scared me to pissing myself.



    ... if you know all the words to Gordon Lightfoot's classic ballad, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"


    Na.


    ... if you can actually pronounce Ypsilanti.


    Yea, friends pick up LSD there. (Sounds like "ipsilantee")




    ... if the first decision you have to make on an international trip is, "bridge or tunnel?"


    HAhaha.



    ... if you own only three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.


    Na.



    ... if you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.


    Yup. Either that or freeze.





    ... if you have more miles on your snow blower than your car.


    Pfft lol.





    ... if you have 10 favorite recipes for venison.


    **** Bambi he tastes great.




    ... if Home Depot on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.


    I should take my webcam up there with my laptop, it's always busy.




    ... if you've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.


    I've went trick or treating in snow up to my waist.


    ... if driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.


    Again, the state bird here might as well be a ****ing cone.




    ... if you think everyone from the city has an accent.


    =o



    ... if you think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

    LOL.




    ... if you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

    Nope, both are paid.




    ... if the local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.


    Yup.




    ... if your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.

    I've only seen snow that high ONCE.




    ... if summer takes place the second week of July (and it still rains!!).


    Lol, summer here started a few weeks ago. It may be offically earlier than that but bitches we had snow at the time.




    ... if you know which leaves make good toilet paper.


    Ewwww.




    ... if you find -20F a little chilly.


    A friend of mine in Florida called me once while it was a blizzard out and she asked the temp outside, I said it was -18 degrees and she thought I was kidding. I said no, the temp outside is colder than a freezer.




    ... if the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.


    Done that once. Snow makes beer taste good.




    ... if you attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots.


    Sadly


    ... if shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.


    Last year 3 feet of snow was in my driveway.




    ... if you know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.


    hahahaha. It's above 60 degrees, and there are multiple roads closed right now.




    ... if the municipality buys a zamboni before a bus.

    lol.




    ... if you drink "Vernors" and play "Euchre".


    Only people in Michigan play that?







    you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through
    18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan

    Not often lol.




    If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pelston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan



    Mine does ;)





    If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through march, you might live in Michigan


    The Ice cream place a few blocks from me are closed exactly on those months. lol. No need for ice cream when the high temp is 12 degrees.




    If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan.



    rm -rf /summer



    If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Michigan


    lol.


    If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan


    =o




    If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Michigan


    Yup.



    If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan


    HAha, yes.




    If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan


    Hehehehehhee.




    YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Michigander WHEN:



    1. "Vacation" means going up north past US 75 for the weekend.


    You guys have no idea




    2. You measure distance in hours.


    Lol, yes, Ohio is 5 hours from me.


    3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.


    My Uncle.


    4. You often swi tch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.


    Well when you wake up it's like 40 degrees, then by 3 PM it's around 70.



    5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

    DAMN RIGHT.



    6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).


    It's like a ted nugent concert :(


    7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.


    Lol.


    8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.


    Hell yea, it's -40 outside, MY ass ain't getting out.



    9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

    Same as above.




    10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

    VEry.


    11. You know all 4 seasons: almost wi! nter, winter, still winter and road construction.

    heh.


    12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.


    Yes


    13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.


    Statue?


    14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

    Only because my Aunt's and Uncles would be like "SHUT UP HE'S A COP YOU WEREN'T DRUNK LAST NIGHT DICK HEAD!"




    15. Down South to you means Indiana

    yEA.


    16. A brat is something you eat.


    Bratwurst




    17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed.


    My neighbor is hot.


    18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.


    Used to.



    19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.



    People down in Florida think thise is only a joke, it's not, it does get that cold sometimes in July.



    20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.


    Na.


    21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."


    Mhmm

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    To anyone from not around here, Mackinac Island has world renowned fudge and is the only place in the state you can't drive a car.

  4. #4
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    Wow.. that is long, gore Anyways, funny stuff.. my personal favorite is:

    ... if you bake with "soda" and drink "pop".
    That just made me chuckle a bit more than some of the others. Anyways, good stuff.
    Space For Rent.. =]

  5. #5
    Senior Member Spyrus's Avatar
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    Re: You live in Michigan if

    well gore... i used to live in grand rapids for a long portion of my life and I hold true to about 98% of these... really hits home and now that I am no longer there I still practice some of the things and ppl ask me why... i guess from now on ill just forward this list to them....

    and ill go through it for you as well


    You might be a Michigander ...

    ... if you define Summer as three months of bad sledding.

    I think i still do this

    ... if your definition of a small town is one that doesn't have a lake.

    yea, and a boring town, I grew up less than an hour from lake michigan

    ... if your family breaks into violence during the UM-MSU game (any sport!).

    go U of M... with you that close to ann arbor you should understand

    ... if snow tires come standard on all your cars.

    I still ask about them

    ... if at least 50% of your relatives work for the auto industry.

    close but not quite

    ... if you have ever gotten frostbitten and sunburned in the same week.

    i think they both happened on the same day tell you the truth

    ... if you can identify an Ohio accent.

    stupid buckeyes

    ... if owning a Japanese car was a hanging offense in your home town.

    it was

    ... if you learned to pilot a boat before the training wheels were off your bike.

    I actually had a boating license

    ... if you think Alkaline batteries were named after a Tiger outfielder.

    they arent??

    ... if you point at the palm of your right hand when telling people where you grew up.

    underneath that line thats under you pinky and a little to the right

    ... if you don't understand what the big deal about Chicago is.

    I have a lot of fun there... being old enough to drink makes a big difference

    ... if someone asks you if you've been to Europe and you answer, "No, but I've been to Ann Arbor..."

    again... go u of m

    ... if "Down South" to you means Toledo.

    or indiana

    ... if you have any idea who Bob Ufer was.

    have a said my preference in college football yet?

    ... if octopus and hockey go together as naturally as hot dogs and baseball.

    why wouldnt they.... other than the fact the wings havent played in a while due to strikes

    ... if traveling coast to coast means g
    oing from Port Huron to Muskegon.

    haha

    ... if you refer to your relatives in southern Michigan as "trolls" or "lopers".

    cant say ive done this

    ... if the "Big Three" can mean either Ford, Chrysler and GM or Domino's, Little Ceaser's and Hungry Howie's.

    there used to be a place called spads too

    ... if a Big Mac is something you can drive across.

    I went across the bridge the same week those contruction workers fell off working on it

    ... if you have no problem spelling Mackinac Island.

    been there.... on a damn bicycle

    ... if you had to get a passport to go to Ohio.

    i agree with you screw that sh*t

    ... if you have as many Canadian coins in your pockets as American ones.

    only when I visit my buddy in grosse isle

    ... if your kid's baseball or softball games games have been ever been snowed out.

    i have played in the snow, thats why I had to have 2 batting gloves to help kill the sting

    ... if the trees in your backyard have spigots.

    they did

    ... if you know that a place called "Kalamazoo" really exists.

    i have family that lives there and I used to live close to it

    ... if you bake with "soda" and drink "pop".

    honestly who drinks soda?

    ... if you know what a pastie is.

    yup

    ... if you drive 70 mph on the highway and pass on the right.

    its those idiot from ohio that dont get over, and why 70? thats just the limit

    ... if your favorite hockey team's mascot is an octopus.

    didnt I answer this already?

    ... if you have a favorite hockey team.

    yeah the wings

    ... if you don't have a coughing fit from one sip of Vernor's.

    i prefer faygos ginger ale

    ... if you know how to play Euchre.

    im a champ

    ... if you classify your friends and relatives as "yoopers," "trolls," "Canadians," or "not from 'round here,".

    nope

    ... if you know at least 2 yooper jokes.

    ditto

    ... if fudge and Bicycles remind you of your honeymoon.

    no, childhood and hard work

    ... if you can name all 5 of the Great Lakes, and point to their locations around your left and right hands.

    HOMES <-- they taught us that in elementary

    ... if you don't cross picket lines.

    got shot with a bb gun cause I did once

    ... if you used to think Deer Season included an official school holiday.

    not a hunter but I still took the day off

    ... if you know that Pontiac and Cadillac are cities.

    my family has lake houses up there

    ... if you've been to Hell and to Paradise and back again.

    hell, never paradise

    ... if you had Tornado Drills in elementary school.

    nothing like sitting in the hallway with my head bowed

    ... if you know all the words to Gordon Lightfoot's classic ballad, "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"

    used to

    ... if you can actually pronounce Ypsilanti.

    had a gf that lived close to there and I had a robotics competition there (yip si lan tee)

    ... if the first decision you have to make on an international trip is, "bridge or tunnel?"

    Ohh canada, lots of detriot jokes in here

    ... if you own only three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.

    are tehre more?

    ... if you design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.

    used to haha

    ... if you have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

    you kidding me i had to shovel that crap

    ... if you have 10 favorite recipes for venison.

    not that many cause we werent hunters but had one hell of a jerky recipe

    ... if you've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.

    no but i was taken in one

    ... if driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.

    yeah

    ... if you think everyone from the city has an accent.

    anyone outside michigan has an accent, funny how they train ppl to talk like michigan

    ... if you think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.

    im not stupid...

    ... if you owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.

    never got one

    ... if the local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.

    yup

    ... if your snow blower gets stuck on the roof.

    i have seen this done

    ... if summer takes place the second week of July (and it still rains!!).

    yeah it sucks

    ... if you know which leaves make good toilet paper.

    maple... big and work the best

    ... if you find -20F a little chilly.

    slightly

    ... if the trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.

    i have used rivers to keep watermelons cold too and beer

    ... if you attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots.

    nah

    ... if shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.

    we used to build small hills for our sleds

    ... if you know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.

    yup

    ... if you drink "Vernors" and play "Euchre".

    done it



    you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through
    18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan

    or minnesota.. i was scared when we lit a fire on the ice

    If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Michigan

    i think that person is my dad

    If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan

    actually...

    If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan

    think we had more bars

    If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan

    done that
    Duct tape.....A whole lot of Duct Tape
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  6. #6
    Junior Member devildragon76's Avatar
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    Great post gore, makes me miss being in Michigan it's to damn hot here in Arizona.

  7. #7
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    ... if traveling coast to coast means going from Port Huron to Muskegon.
    Hey Hey,

    I lived in Muskegon for 4 years in the 80's and gotta admit I encountered most of what was posted And I did get a lot of ribbing about driving a Subaru.

    ~cheers~
    Connection refused, try again later.

  8. #8
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    hi gore,

    Like to add a couple more...

    1. You live in Michigan if you can't stand American beer and try to smuggle a supply of 24's of Molson's or Labbatt's across the border

    2. You live in Michigan if every once in awhile you slip an EH? and think you've been spending too much time drinking in Canadians bars

    3. You live in Michigan if colored money looks normal to you

    4. You live in Michigan if you even know where Canada is

    5. You live in Michigan if you even know who Gordon Lightfoot is

    6. You live in Michigan if American beer starts to taste like water

    and...

    7. You live in Michigan if you know what a Tim Horton's is and can't live without it

    Eg

  9. #9
    They call me the Hunted foxyloxley's Avatar
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    Mackinac Island has world renowned fudge and is the only place in the state you can't drive a car.
    No cars ...................

    How the hell do you GET there then
    55 - I'm fiftyfeckinfive and STILL no wiser,
    OLDER yes
    Beware of Geeks bearing GIF's
    come and waste the day :P at The Taz Zone

  10. #10
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Pacific Northwest
    Posts
    1,675
    Gots to take a passenger ferry across and then once you get there, you walk, rent a bike or horse. It's really a nice visit. The folks dress old style and got plenty of good eats. Of course that is info and my recollection from the early 80's. Hopefully not to shaded with age!

    ~cheers~
    Connection refused, try again later.

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