Pardon moi Francais

[dalek]

An Englishman is having breakfast one morning (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam) when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Englishman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

Frenchman: "You English folk eat the whole bread??"

Englishman (in a bad mood): "Of course."

Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In France, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Britain." The Frenchman has a smirk on his face.

The Englishman listens in silence.

The Frenchman persists: "Do you eat jam with the bread??"

Englishman: "Of Course."

Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling).

"We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Britain."

After a moment of silence, The Englishman then asks: "Do you have sex in France?"

Frenchman: "Why of course we do", he says with a big smirk.

Englishman: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?"

Frenchman: "We throw them away, of course."

Englishman: "We don't. In Britain, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into
bubble-gum and sell them to France."

[foxyloxley]

Once upon a time (allegedly) in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake.
By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth. One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest, and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually, my story is much the same as yours. I, too, have been blind since birth, and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you, and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful" replied the bunny. So the snake slithered all over the bunny, and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur; you have really long ears; your nose twitches; and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you! Thank you," cried the bunny, in obvious excitement. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw, and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over, and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, and you have a forked tongue, no backbone and no balls.







I'd say you must be French."

There was a Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting together in a carriage in a train going through Provence.

Suddenly the train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there were no lights in the carriages and it went completely dark. Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. When the train came out of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the Englishman were sitting as if nothing had happened and the Frenchman had his hand against his face as if he had been slapped there.

The Frenchman was thinking:
'The English fella must have kissed Claudia Schiffer and she missed him and slapped me instead.'

Claudia Schiffer was thinking:
'The French fella must have tried to kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.'

And the Englishman was thinking:
'This is great. The next time the train goes through a tunnel I'll make another kissing noise and slap that French bastard again.'

[Galdron]

I think it is really funny that Canadiens make fun of ppl. for not being involved in conflict.................and just in general.

France It is part of the reason you have culture in your country.

You all bless the queen with your money. Bleh.

Whatever.

It is so easy to judge the world when you sit back and just criticize..........

EH?


Send in the Canadien armed forces.......................oh god Usama is really running for cover... He is prolly in ****ing Toronto. With free medical assistance.


Canada has ridden the coat-tails of the US since WW2.................

SO...................................

Whatever.

Just make some maple syrup and STFU!



LOL

[foxyloxley]

10 reasons why Canada won’t join the war on Iraq



10. We have no way of getting there.

9. We are too busy at home with the Maple Syrup Season.

8. After 136 Years, we are still copying off France.

7. Saddam's name pronounced backwards is "Mad Ass". We'll stay away from him.

6. There is only limited potential for sales of Canadian Bacon in Iraq after the war.

5. Our Sea King Helicopter was damaged and needs repairs.

4. Celine Dionne can't sing to the troops because she has a contract in Las Vegas.

3. The rivers in Iraq are too shallow for our War Canoes.

2. Lousy hockey in Iraq at this time of year.

1. Our army is needed at home in case of another snowstorm in Toronto.

[Galdron]

Oh... Canada!!!! Oh.......................Canada..........Oh??.........Canada???????OH!!!! yea...!Canada.

That should be your new anthem. Fuggin puzzy azzes.


hahahahahah


J/K

[ech0]

"hey I’m not a lumberjack or a fur trader,
I don’t live in an igloo,
or eat blubber,
or.. or dogsled,
and I don’t know jimmy, sally, or suesey,
from Canada although I’m cretin there really really nice,
I have a priminister, not a president,
I speak English and French, not American,
and I pronounce it about, not aboot,
I can proudly sew my countries flag on my backpack,
I believe in peacekeeping not policing,
diversity, not assimilation,
and that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal,
the took is a hat,
the chesterfield is a couch,
and it is pronounced zed, not zee, ZED
Canada is the second largest landmass,
the first nation of hockey,
and the best part of north America,
my name is Joe, and I am, Canadian.
thank you."

Canada, the nation that gets its nationalism from a beer commercial.

see the vid here.

[morganlefay]

Being half french Canadian......I am almost insulted...NOT!!

Heres one for you guys


> Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. An attractive
> blonde from St John's, Newfoundland arrived and bet
> twenty-thousand dollars($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said,
> "I hope youdon't mind, but I feel much luckier when
> I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled
> the dice and yelled,"Come on, baby, Mama needs
> new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop she jumped up and down and
> squealed..."YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She
> hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her
> clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each
> other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The
> other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were
> watching."
>
> MORAL - Not all Newfies are stupid and not all blondes are dumb,but all
> men are men.
>

hahahahahahah

MLF

[dalek]

Originally posted here by Galdron
I think it is really funny that Canadiens make fun of ppl. for not being involved in conflict.................and just in general.

France It is part of the reason you have culture in your country.

You all bless the queen with your money. Bleh.

Whatever.

It is so easy to judge the world when you sit back and just criticize..........

EH?


Send in the Canadien armed forces.......................oh god Usama is really running for cover... He is prolly in ****ing Toronto. With free medical assistance.


Canada has ridden the coat-tails of the US since WW2.................

SO...................................

Whatever.

Just make some maple syrup and STFU!



LOL

It's a humour Thread, get a life you a**hole or put a joke about Canadians up, I don't care I can laugh at myself just as good or quick as I can laugh at you............

If you want to make this personal, then start a post bashing Canadian's if that's the sort of response your looking for, otherwise stay OT.