PC's Have Emotions
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Thread: PC's Have Emotions

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    92

    PC's Have Emotions

    I thought I might share this with everyone, I found it to be quite true

    i was looking for an official planning office number and when it came to a link for my area it gave me an unusual response Confused what seems to be the norm cannot find message is well weird have a look Wink

    This page cannot be displayed - please click harder
    The page you are looking for is unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing difficulties, or you may not have pressed the keys or mouse buttons firmly enough.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Hitting the keyboard harder has now been proven to make the Internet work faster. In fact you may have got this error message because you did not press firmly enough. This is also the case with mouse buttons. New biofeedback functionality in the later versions of Microsoft operating systems ensures that those who hit hardest get the best response.

    Please try the following:

    Click the Refresh button really hard, or try again later. If you typed the address in the Address bar, type it again but press each key much harder.

    If response is slow, repeatedly clicking on the same button or link causes IP routers to give priority to your request.
    Internet performance can be improved by issuing the verbal command "Come on... come on!" to your monitor. Sophisticated sound equipment in your PC will respond to many phrases, including some mild profanity.
    Rapid side-to-side movement of your mouse, followed by four sharp raps on your desk is known to cause Windows to re-prioritise your Internet session and allocate more CPU cycles to hardware response functions.
    If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure you wiggle your network cable where it plugs into your PC.
    If you have an LCD monitor, don't forget to press the screen until it distorts the image, leaving a grey 'flare' and greasy fingerprints on the display.
    With a CRT screen, a winding motion with your hand to the side of the monitor increases your PC's bus speed by at least 10%, as does knocking on the glass and calling out "Hello?''.
    This is my old table tennis bat and ball. A ping-pong bat is ideal for performing percussive maintenance tasks on your computer.
    Never use the load button to close your CD drive. Pushing the drawer in by hand overrides the rev limiter & increases read performance by at least 25%. Also, the more 'drive not ready' messages you get the better, so keep on hitting 'retry'.
    If you continue to have problems, contact either your Network Administrator, your company's Help Desk, your PC's manufacturer or (but only as a last resort), Microsoft's Technical Support. They will ask for details of your configuration, the exact sequence of events leading to the problem, and the status of your software licenses. They will then consult their extensive knowledgebase systems and fault-finding dialogues before telling you to re-boot and try again.

    Click Here to go back to the WalkingBook homepage, where you will find links back to the area you were in.
    Alternatively, click the Back button firmly with a slight anti-clockwise flourish to try another link.
    And remember - this may not be the message you hoped to see, but it's not a mistake.

    Stolen From: http://alfa155.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=378
    I\'m Dying To Find Out The Hard Way

  2. #2
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Posts
    92

    PC's Have Emotions

    I thought I might share this with everyone, I found it to be quite true

    i was looking for an official planning office number and when it came to a link for my area it gave me an unusual response Confused what seems to be the norm cannot find message is well weird have a look Wink

    This page cannot be displayed - please click harder
    The page you are looking for is unavailable. The Web site might be experiencing difficulties, or you may not have pressed the keys or mouse buttons firmly enough.

    --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Hitting the keyboard harder has now been proven to make the Internet work faster. In fact you may have got this error message because you did not press firmly enough. This is also the case with mouse buttons. New biofeedback functionality in the later versions of Microsoft operating systems ensures that those who hit hardest get the best response.

    Please try the following:

    Click the Refresh button really hard, or try again later. If you typed the address in the Address bar, type it again but press each key much harder.

    If response is slow, repeatedly clicking on the same button or link causes IP routers to give priority to your request.
    Internet performance can be improved by issuing the verbal command "Come on... come on!" to your monitor. Sophisticated sound equipment in your PC will respond to many phrases, including some mild profanity.
    Rapid side-to-side movement of your mouse, followed by four sharp raps on your desk is known to cause Windows to re-prioritise your Internet session and allocate more CPU cycles to hardware response functions.
    If you are trying to reach a secure site, make sure you wiggle your network cable where it plugs into your PC.
    If you have an LCD monitor, don't forget to press the screen until it distorts the image, leaving a grey 'flare' and greasy fingerprints on the display.
    With a CRT screen, a winding motion with your hand to the side of the monitor increases your PC's bus speed by at least 10%, as does knocking on the glass and calling out "Hello?''.
    This is my old table tennis bat and ball. A ping-pong bat is ideal for performing percussive maintenance tasks on your computer.
    Never use the load button to close your CD drive. Pushing the drawer in by hand overrides the rev limiter & increases read performance by at least 25%. Also, the more 'drive not ready' messages you get the better, so keep on hitting 'retry'.
    If you continue to have problems, contact either your Network Administrator, your company's Help Desk, your PC's manufacturer or (but only as a last resort), Microsoft's Technical Support. They will ask for details of your configuration, the exact sequence of events leading to the problem, and the status of your software licenses. They will then consult their extensive knowledgebase systems and fault-finding dialogues before telling you to re-boot and try again.

    Click Here to go back to the WalkingBook homepage, where you will find links back to the area you were in.
    Alternatively, click the Back button firmly with a slight anti-clockwise flourish to try another link.
    And remember - this may not be the message you hoped to see, but it's not a mistake.

    Stolen From: http://alfa155.org/forum/viewtopic.php?t=378
    I\'m Dying To Find Out The Hard Way

  3. #3
    yes... i believe in you... i experienced this too...

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