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Thread: What will they make up next?

  1. #1

    What will they make up next?

    What will they make up next?
    >> The 1st Affair
    >> A married man was having an affair
    >> with his secretary.
    >> One day they went to her place
    >> and made love all afternoon.
    >> Exhausted, they fell asleep
    >> and woke up at 8 PM.
    >> The man hurriedly dressed
    >> and told his lover to take his shoes
    >> outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
    >> He put on his shoes and drove home.
    >> "Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
    >> "I can't lie to you," he replied,
    >> "I'm having an affair with my secretary.
    >> We had sex all afternoon."
    >> She looked down at his shoes and said:
    >> "You lying bastard!
    >> You've been playing golf!"
    >> The 2nd Affair
    >> A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters
    >> but always talked about having a son.
    >> They decided to try one last time
    >> for the son they always wanted.
    >> The wife got pregnant
    >> and delivered a healthy baby boy.
    >> The joyful father rushed to the nursery
    >> to see his new son.
    >> He was horrified
    >> at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
    >> He told his wife: "There's no way I can be the father of this
    >> Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!
    >> Have you been fooling around behind my back?"
    >> The wife smiled sweetly and replied:
    >> "Not this time!"

    The 3rd Affair
    >> A mortician was working late one night.
    >> He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,
    >> about to be cremated,
    >> and made a startling discovery.
    >> Schwartz had the largest private part
    >> he had ever seen!
    >> "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician
    >> commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated
    >> with such an impressive private part.
    >> It must be saved for posterity."
    >> So, he removed it,
    >> stuffed it into his briefcase,
    >> and took it home
    >> "I have something to show
    >> you won't believe," he said to his wife,
    >> opening his briefcase.
    >> "My God!" the wife exclaimed,
    >> "Schwartz is dead!"

    >> The 4th Affair

    >> A woman was in bed with her lover
    >> when she heard her husband
    >> opening the front door.
    >> "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."
    >> She rubbed baby oil all over him,
    >> then dusted him with talcum powder.
    >> "Don't move until I tell you,"
    >> she said, " pretend you're a statue."
    >> "What's this?" the husband inquired
    >> as he entered the room.
    >> "Oh it's a statue," she replied,
    >> "the Smiths bought one and I liked it
    >> so I got one for us, too."
    >> No more was said,
    >> not even when they went to bed.
    >> Around 2 AM the husband got up,
    >> went to the kitchen and returned
    >> with a sandwich and a beer.
    >> "Here," he said to the statue, have this.
    >> I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
    >> and nobody offered me a damned thing."

    >> The 5th Affair
    >> A man walked into a cafe,
    >> went to the bar and ordered a beer.
    >> "Certainly, Sir , that'll be one cent."
    >> "One Cent?" the man exclaimed.
    >> He glanced at the menu and asked:
    >> "How much for a nice juicy steak
    >> and a bottle of wine?"
    >> "A nickel," the barman replied.
    >> "A nickel?" exclaimed the man.
    >> "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
    >> The bartender replied:
    >> "Upstairs, with my wife."
    >> The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs
    >> with your wife?"
    >> The bartender replied:
    >> "The same thing
    >> I'm doing to his business down here."
    >> The 6th Affair

    >> Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
    >> He looked up and said weakly:
    >> "I have something I must confess."
    >> "There's no need to, " his wife replied.
    >> "No," he insisted,
    >> "I want to die in peace.
    >> I slept with your sister, your best friend,
    >> her best friend, and your mother!"
    >> "I know," she replied,
    >> " now just rest
    >> and let the poison work

  2. #2
    Senior Member nihil's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    United Kingdom: Bridlington
    OK #7 I suppose:

    Guys in a bar talking about sexual positions, and one says that he likes the rodeo position. The others are confused and ask him what it is.

    He tells them: You wife gets down on all fours and you mount her.............then you say "your sister is better at this than you are" and try to stay on for eight seconds.............

    or something like that

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2004

    I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

    My parents helped us in every way; my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!

    There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when quite near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.

    It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.

    One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

    I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

    She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me."

    I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

    I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.

    My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

    The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.
    Parth Maniar,

    *Thank you GOD*

    Greater the Difficulty, SWEETER the Victory.

    Believe in yourself.

  4. #4

    ByteWrangler, that one has already been posted before Here It's a good joke, the guy was lucky to get away with it.


  5. #5
    Join Date
    Aug 2004

    A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"
    His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "Let`s make a demonstration out of this. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Russell Crowe for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Justin Timberlake for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you`ve learned."
    The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means.
    He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Russell Crowe?"
    His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don`t tell your father, but, yes, I would."
    Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up and says, "Definitely!"
    The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I`ve figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we`re living with a couple of whores."

    PS. Sorry .:front2back:. didnt check for that one...
    Parth Maniar,

    *Thank you GOD*

    Greater the Difficulty, SWEETER the Victory.

    Believe in yourself.

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