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Thread: Fun w/ Telemarketers

  1. #1

    Fun w/ Telemarketers

    > NOTICE: All suggestions have been tested and approved for use on
    > telemarketers. No animals were harmed in the testing.

    > 1. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
    > "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
    > 2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you
    > asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these
    > problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog
    > just died . . . "
    > 3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell
    > their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them
    > where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many
    > people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are
    > married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal
    > questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
    > 4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is
    > Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a
    > real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"
    > 5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have
    > you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of
    > terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.
    > 6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and
    > keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most
    > fun if you can do it until they hang up.
    > 7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
    > Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have
    > any friends, would you be my friend?"
    > 8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can
    > you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"
    > 9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to
    > marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just
    > give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
    > 10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and
    > they can't sell to employees.
    > 11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer,
    > set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.
    > 12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her
    > if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call
    > him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers
    > cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want
    > anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and
    > you say, "Me either!" Hang up.
    > 13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.
    > 14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold.
    > Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your
    > leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner
    > conversation.
    > 15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if
    > they could bring you some beer.
    > 16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.
    > 17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should
    > probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."
    > 18. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
    > bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
    > 19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up
    > . . louder . . . louder . . .
    > 20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word
    > down.

    Haha, I've said similar things to the above to telemarketers before.. like the time Sympatico called me and the telemarketer said "Unlimited Internet" -- and how I just reminded him that their terms of service had just changed and that due to the bitcap now enforced, it was not unlimited.. and that if this ever went to court, I'd win since it was all on tape Wink

    Or when they call and I say "Please be reminded that this call may be recorded for quality assurance." -- they usually hang up.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?
    I've actually tried this one before. The telemarketer got all flustered and hung up after I started saying I have ALOT of human blood and I need it out quick.

    I usually just change my voice every other sentence so it sounds like they are talking to someone different every time. Or saying 'no habla ingles' a bunch of times then start speaking english as articulatly as you know how.

    One of my brother's favorites (he plans for this kind of stuff) is if I'm around, having me scream at the top of my voice all kinds of angry sh*t and he'll start begging 'no, not the rubber hose again' or 'you've already locked me in there twice today' stuff like that.
    The fool doth think he is wise, but the wiseman knows himself to be a fool - Good Ole Bill Shakespeare

  3. #3
    AO's Resident Redneck The Texan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    I do the no habla ingles thing alot.
    Git R Dun - Ty
    A tribe is wanted

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2003
    When I mess with telemarketers, I usually try and sell them something back. I got the idea from a stand-up comedian a while ago. I do a pretty uncanny Arnold Schwarzenagger impression--so I like to try and sell them protein bars and shakes. Other than that, I try to sell them high quality pens for which they can use to write down customer info with, etc. Usually great fun.
    \"Greatness only comes at great risk.\" ~ Personal/Generic

  5. #5
    hmm this has been posted so many times here..

    But i guess that some might enjoy reading re-posted again and again material

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