Quotes


It was the end of the school day and all of the kids were anxious to go home. The teacher told the kids,"As soon as you can name the speaker of a famous quote you may leave. O.K.,
Who said four score and seven years ago?"
Johnny lifts his hand in excitement.
"Yes, Johnny?"
But before he could answer, Lucy jumped in and said Abraham Lincoln.
"Very good, Lucy, you may go home now."
Johnny was red in the face with anger. The teacher then gave the next quote,
"Who said I have a dream."
Johnny lifted his hand excitedly again. But this time Mary interjected and said "Martin Luther King."
"Very good, Mary, you may go home now."
At this point Johnny was really frustrated and pissed off. But the teacher asked again, "Who said ask not what your country can do for you?"
Johnny knew this one, he raised his hand quickly. This time Rebecca chimed in and said, "JFK"
"Very good, Rebecca, you may go home now."
Now, Johnny was BOILING MAD! He turns to the kid next to him and says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
"Who said that?"asked the teacher.
"Bill Clinton," said Johnny, "Can I go home now?"





Clinton`s secret box !

Bill & Hillary Clinton are celebrating their 25th Anniversary. All 25 years Bill has kept a large box under his side of the bed. He asked Hillary never to look in his box, and so she obeyed. But, on the morning of their 25th, she couldn`t stand the suspense any longer. She opened the box and there were three empty beer cans and $1800 cash. She closed the box and put it back.
At dinner, she looks to Bill and says, "Bill, I never looked in your box all 25 years, but I had to look today. The suspense was killing me. Though, I`m confused. Why three beer cans and $1800?"
He looks at her a few moments then tells her. "Hillary, every time I was unfaithful to you, I kept an empty beer can."
Hillary still looks puzzled." Ok Bill, I know the three times you were unfaithful. I`m hurt but that`s over with, But why $1800?"
Bill says," Well, every time the box got full, I went to recycling and kept the money."




Hair implant

Saddam Hussein had an accident, so he was rushed to the hospital. The doctor had to perform an instant operation, due to his injuries. Saddam was wounded on the face and a deep scar was formed on his skin, but under his bushy beard. The doctor shaved off a part of his beard and then performed the surgery.
Afterwards, the doctor performed more surgery to replace the missing part of the beard, so he would look good as new. The doctor cut off Saddam's pubic hair and implanted it surgically on his face where the beard was missing.
Saddam awakened and then after 2-3 days, he was discharged and he went back home. After six months, Saddam came to the hospital to talk to the doctor who performed his operation.
Saddam said, "Doc, everything is okay, but a peculiar thing has happened to me many times."
The doctor asks, "What is happening?"
Saddam replies, "Whenever I scratch my beard, my penis gets erect!




Greatest casanova!

One afternoon, three close friends named Hercules, Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan, sat by the river contemplating their lives.
Bold and arrogant, Hercules exclaimed that he was surely the strongest person in the world.
"That may be true", said Sleeping Beauty, "but I am better because I am obviously the most beautiful person in the world".
Don Juan laughed at both of them and said that without a doubt, he must be the greatest person alive simply because he had been with the most women.
After several hours of argument, they decided to consult a Guru for the truth.
First, Hercules went into Guru's cave. A few moments later he came out with a massive grin on his face. The Guru had said that he was, in fact, the strongest person in the world. He was very pleased.
Sleeping beauty came out of the cave with a lovely smile, "It is true! I am the most beautiful woman in the world!"
Moments later a distraught Don Juan came stomping out of the cave, "Who the hell is Bill Clinton!!???"