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  1. #1
    Frustrated Mad Scientist
    Join Date
    Dec 2004

    Swearing at work

    Via email-

    Swearing At Work
    Our policy... -___- "

    Dear Employees:

    It has been brought to the partners' attention that some individuals throughout the firm have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated. We do, however. realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.

    Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

    1) TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.

    INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.

    2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.

    INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.

    3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.

    INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

    4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.

    INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.

    5) TRY SAYING: Really?

    INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!

    6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...

    INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.

    7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.

    INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.

    8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting.

    INSTEAD OF: What the f___?

    9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.

    INSTEAD OF: this sh__ won't work.

    10) TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.

    INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?

    11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues.

    INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.

    12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?

    INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.

    13) TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?

    INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.

    14) TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.

    INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.

    15) TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.

    INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.

    16) TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.

    INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.

    17) TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?

    INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?

    18) TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.

    INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.

    Thank You,

    Human Resources

  2. #2
    AOs Resident Troll
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    There are a few good ones here........along the same lines...have to hide it cause of the content...The first is my personal fave

    1. "Okay, okay! I take it back. Un**** you!!!"

    2. "You say I'm a bitch/bastard like it's a bad thing?!"

    3. "Well this day was a total waste of make-up"

    4. "Well aren't we a bloody ray of sunshine?"

    5. "Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."

    6. "Do I look like a ****ing people person!"

    7. "This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting"

    8. "I started out with nothing & still have most of it left"

    9. "Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble plastic is cheap. You choose"

    10. "Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless acts of self-control"

    11. "I'm not crazy. I've been in a very bad mood for 30 years."

    12. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."

    13. "Do they ever shut up on your planet?"

    14. "I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable"

    15. "Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't gone to sleep yet"

    16. "Back off!! You're standing in my aura."

    17. "Don't worry. I forgot your name too."

    18. "I work 45 hours a week to be this poor."

    19. "Not all men are annoying. Some are dead."

    20. "Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality"

    21. "Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done."

    22. "Ambivalent? Well yes and no."

    23. "You look like ****. Is that the style now?"

    24. "Earth is full. Go home."

    25. "Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?"

    26. "I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert."

    27. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."

    28. "You are depriving some village of an idiot."

    29. "If *******s could fly, this place would be a ****in' airport!"

    Via email

    How people treat you is their karma- how you react is yours-Wayne Dyer

  3. #3
    AO Soccer Mom debwalin's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2002
    Originally posted here by morganlefay

    27. "A hard-on doesn't count as personal growth."

    I really need that on a t-shirt
    Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

  4. #4
    Member tin.roof.rabbit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    That's awesome!

    Because when I find out I have a sudden deadline that forces me to work late and miss dinner with my family I always respond with "Yes perhaps I can work late". Instead of almost all of those responses in a 5 minute rant.

  5. #5
    Frustrated Mad Scientist
    Join Date
    Dec 2004
    I like these-

    7. "This isn't an office. It's HELL with fluorescent lighting"
    12. "Sarcasm is just one more service I offer."
    20. "Wait...I'm trying to imagine you with a personality"
    21. "Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done."

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