Retired nothing to do?
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Thread: Retired nothing to do?

  1. #1
    The ******* Shadow dalek's Avatar
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    Retired nothing to do?

    This is what happens when you have way too much time on your hands...


    From: Walmart
    To: Mrs. Gutierrez

    Dear Mrs. Gutierrez
    Over the past six months, your husband, Mr. C. Gutierrez has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this type of behavior and have considered banning the entire family from shopping in any of our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. Three of our clerks are attending counseling from the trouble your husband has caused. All complaints against Mr. Gutierrez have been compiled and are listed below.

    Mr. Wally Brown,
    President and CEO
    Walmart Complaint Department

    Things Mr. C. Gutierrez has done while his spouse is shopping:

    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in house wares..... and watched what happened.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

    6. September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

    8. September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, ?Why can't you people just leave me alone?'?
    9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

    10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

    11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

    12. December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

    13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

    14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

    (And; last, but not least!)

    15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door and waited a while; then, yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

    It's hell when you're retired and don't have anything to do!!!
    PC Registered user # 2,336,789,457...

    "When the water reaches the upper level, follow the rats."
    Claude Swanson

  2. #2
    AO Guinness Monster MURACU's Avatar
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    I said i'd get in before all the usual people : This has been posted before. This is old. You should have checked to make sure it hasn't been posted. Bold Dalek Go hang your head in shame for being unoriginal. There that should save everyone else the bother.

    Still haven't seen the one about the M&M before or the one about the carpet.
    \"America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.\"
    \"The reason we are so pleased to find other people\'s secrets is that it distracts public attention from our own.\"
    Oscar Wilde(1854-1900)

  3. #3
    The ******* Shadow dalek's Avatar
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    Oh well..that explains my Alzheimers then.....
    PC Registered user # 2,336,789,457...

    "When the water reaches the upper level, follow the rats."
    Claude Swanson

  4. #4
    AO's Resident Redneck The Texan's Avatar
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    Yes it is an oldie but a goodie, when I get old im gonna do all that and see what happens. I was banned from a Walmart once for having part of a scavenger hunt inside their store and video taping it. I had to eat a WHOLE can of sardines and hold it in my mouth without swallowing! nasty! but we won!
    Git R Dun - Ty
    A tribe is wanted

  5. #5
    mmmm sardines. I eat sardines all the time, bloody delicious.

    Other then that this is an oldie, that has just been modified to something new and different, but none the less..

    f2B

  6. #6
    The ******* Shadow dalek's Avatar
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    Sardines,vinegar,Miracle whip...mushed together and placed on toast...yeeeehaaa....
    PC Registered user # 2,336,789,457...

    "When the water reaches the upper level, follow the rats."
    Claude Swanson

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