National Terrorist Security Levels.

The British:
Feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings, the level
has just been raised from 'miffed' to "peeved'. Soon though, the levels may
be raised yet again to "irritated' or even "a bit cross". Londoners have
not been a "bit cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but
ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorised from "tiresome" to "a bloody
nuisance", the last time a "bloody nuisance" warning level was issued was
during the great fire in 1666.
They've gone from "pretend nothing's happening" to "make another cup of
tea". Our higher levels are "remain resolutely cheerful" and "win".

The French:
Be aware that the French government announced yesterday that it has raised
its terror alert level from RUN to HIDE. The only two higher levels in
France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise was precipitated by a recent
fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing
their military capability.

The Italians:
It's not only the French that are on a heightened level of alert, the
Italians have increased their alert level from "shout loudly and excitedly"
to "elaborate military posturing". Two more levels remain, "ineffective
combat operations" and "change sides".

The Germans:
The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to
"dress in uniform and sing marching songs". They have two
higher levels, "invade a neighbour" and "lose".

The Americans:
Seeing this reaction in continental Europe the Americans have gone from
"isolationism" to "find another oil-rich nation in the middle east to tell
lies about". Their remaining higher alert states are "attack the world" and
"beg the British for help".

The Australians:
The alert level in Australia remains at "We'll look into it after the footy
finals, Bathurst 1000 and the Melbourne Cup" but this can quickly ecscalate
to the highest level of "she'll be right mate".

The Kiwi's
Unless Greenpeace invades NZ there is no real danger of anything
happening!, they
could probably win a war on Terror in the courts just like the America's