New Lottery
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Thread: New Lottery

  1. #1
    The ******* Shadow dalek's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2005

    New Lottery


    Good morning and welcome to a brand new edition of 'ASYLUM'.

    Today's programme features another chance to take part in our exciting competition: Hijack an airliner and win a council house! We've already given away hundreds of millions of pounds and thousands of dream homes, courtesy of our sponsor the British Taxpayer. And don't forget, we're now the fastest growing game on the planet.

    Anyone can play, provided they don't already hold a valid British passport, and you only need one word of English: 'ASYLUM'!.

    Prizes include all-expenses-paid accommodation, cash benefits starting at 180 a week and a chance to earn thousands more begging, mugging and accosting drivers at traffic lights. This competition is open to everyone buying a ticket or stowing away on one of our partner airlines, ferry companies or Eurostar.

    No application ever refused reasonable or unreasonable. All you have to do is destroy all your papers and remember the magic password: 'ASYLUM'.

    Only this week 140 members of the Taliban family from Afghanistan were flown Goat Class from Kabul to our international gateway at Stansted where local law enforcement officers were on hand to fast-track them to their luxury 200-a-night rooms in the fabulous four star Hilton Hotel. They join tens of thousands of other lucky winners already staying in hotels all over Britain. Our most popular destinations also include the White Cliffs of Dover and the world famous Toddington Services area In Historic Bedfordshire.

    If you still don't understand the rules, don't forget there's no need to phone a friend or ask the audience, just apply for legal aid. Hundreds of lawyers, social workers and counsellors are waiting to help. It won't cost you a penny, so play today; it could change your life forever.

    Iraqi terrorists, Afghan dissidents, Albanian gangsters,pro-Pinochet activists, anti-Pinochet activists, Kosovan drug-smugglers, Tamil tigers, bogus Bosnians, Rwandan mass murderers, Somali guerrillas...COME ON DOWN!

    Get along to the airport, get along to the lorry park, get along to the ferry terminal. Don't stop in Germany or France.
    Go straight to Britain. And you are guaranteed to be one of tens of thousands of lucky winners in the softest game on earth.

    Roll up, roll up my friends for the game that never ends.

    Everyone's a winner, when they play 'ASYLUM.

    Received via email
    PC Registered user # 2,336,789,457...

    "When the water reaches the upper level, follow the rats."
    Claude Swanson

  2. #2
    Hmm sounds fun enough, i should maybe write down the magic password, as i will most likely forget it with all the excitement and all.

    thanks for sharing i had a good giggle while reading it..

  3. #3
    They call me the Hunted foxyloxley's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2003
    3rd Rock from Sun
    would be hilarious if it weren't so fecking true
    55 - I'm fiftyfeckinfive and STILL no wiser,
    OLDER yes
    Beware of Geeks bearing GIF's
    come and waste the day :P at The Taz Zone

  4. #4
    Originally posted here by foxyloxley
    would be hilarious if it weren't so fecking true

    so that is really what happens if you go there and plead ASYLUM they will give you all that stuff for free?

    Man that's funny as.

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