June 23rd, 2006, 02:26 PM
There's One Born Every Minute
=: THERE'S ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE :=
These stories are all reported as being true. Could some people really be
Idiot # 1
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the
poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the
ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down, and at the end of the conversation happened
to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to
kill the ants I told her that she better bring her daughter into the
Emergency room right away.
Idiot # 2
Seems that a year ago, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to
steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it
out of the plane and home. When they took it for a float on the river, a
Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them surprised them. It turned out
that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that
activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Idiot # 3 - A true story out of San Francisco:
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch
and wrote "this is a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry
that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before
he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed
the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed
his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his
spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank
of America deposit slip. He would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the
man said, "OK" and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was
waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Idiot # 4
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that measured
his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the
mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent
the police department a photograph of $40. Several days later, he received
a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of
handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Idiot # 5
Guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all the
cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the
robber saw a bottle of scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the
shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier
refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21." The robber
said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he
didn't believe him. At this point the robber took his driver's license out
of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over, and
agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the scotch in the bag.
The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly
called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got
off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
Idiot # 6
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving
revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved,
the startled first bandit shot him.
Idiot # 7
Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that
he'd just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and
run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The
brick bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him
unconscious. Seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The
whole event was caught on videotape.
Idiot # 8
The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 12:50 AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash.
The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
IDIOT SIGHTING #1: I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an
airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without
your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how
would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask!"
IDIOT SIGHTING #2: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to
cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged
co-worker of mine when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I
explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she
responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"
IDIOT SIGHTING #3 At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear co-worker who
was leaving the company due to downsizing. Our manager commented
cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was
spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights
IDIOT SIGHTING #4: I work with an individual who plugged her power strip
back into itself and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system
would not turn on.
IDIOT SIGHTING # 5 When my husband and I arrived at an automobile
dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it.
We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly
to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey", I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied, "I
know -- I already got that side."
When I remarked that this Friday is the longest day of the year,
our receptionist looked puzzled and asked, "You mean it's longer
than 24 hours?"
During our recent quarterly division conference call, our division
CIO made the following statement: "We do a great job of servicing
our customers from the front end, but we must all remember to
continue servicing our clients through the back end."
The other morning, two people walked by me on their way to the
elevator. One said to the other, "So, where do all these elevators
go? Are there other floors?" I laughed so hard milk flew out of my
cube neighbor's nose.
One of my Dad's retired friends spends nine months a year in
Wisconsin and goes to Florida for the winter. One year, while he
was in Florida, he got a call from the police. His neighbor in
Wisconsin, who had a key, had entered his home to check that
everything was okay with the house. The house was a shambles and he
called the police to report a burglary. The police officer
reported: "The house appears to have been ransacked."
My Dad's friend immediately bought a plane ticket and flew 1000
miles home to discover that the house looked exactly the way it
I saw this statement about a company's services:
"You've taken your first step into a bold new realm that will
transform your imagination into a vision."
I work in a bank. An Individual tried to return the stamps she
had purchased because they "did not work." The stamps were
self-stick, and she was licking the shiny paper that you're
supposed to peel off.