Q. Why is being in the military like a blow job?
A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

Q. What do a dildo and soy beans have in common?
A. They are both used as substitute meat.

Q. Why do we have orgasms?
A. How else would we know when to stop?

Q. What two words will clear out a men's restroom?
A. "Nice Dick!"

Q. What's the definition of a vagina?
A. The box a penis comes in.

Q. Mom's have Mother's Day, father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
A. Palm Sunday.

Q. What do you call kids born in whorehouses?
A. Brothel sprouts.

Q. What do Kodak film have in common with condoms?
A. Both capture the moment.

Q. What's the definition of indefinitely?
A. When your balls are slapping up against her ass, you're in-definitely!

Q. How is a woman like a road?
A. Both have manholes.

Q. Hear the slogan for the Stealth Condom?
A. "They'll never see you coming."

Q. What's the definition of a teenager?
A. Punishment for enjoying sex 13+ years earlier.

Q. Why are cowgirls bowlegged?
A. Because cowboys like to eat with their hats on.

Q. How do you piss off Winnie The Pooh?
A. By sticking your finger in his honey.

Q. Define "Egghead"
A. What Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty.

Q. What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates?
A. A tearjerker.

Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
A. Gag!

Q: Why do married men like *******s so much?
A: 15 minutes of silence!!

Q: If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you
have?
A: Divorce proceedings, most likely.

Q: How can you tell a sumo wrestler from a feminist?
A: A Sumo wrestler shaves his legs.

Q: What is the definition of wicker box?
A: It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna

Q: What's the difference between a wife and a job?
A: After 20 years, the job STILL sucks.

Q: What's the difference between a BONUS and a BONER?
A: Your wife will blow your bonus.

Q: How do you get your wife to scream while you are having an orgasm?
A: Call her and tell her where you are.

Q. What's the difference between a golf ball and a woman's G-spot?
A. A guy will take twenty minutes to look for a golf ball.

Q: What do you call a group of blondes on roller skates?
A: A mobile sperm bank.

Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A: A blow job with handle bars.

Q: What does pizza delivery man and a gynaecologist have in common?
A: Both can smell it but can't eat it.

Q: What is the ultimate rejection?
A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

Q: How can you tell if you have a high sperm count?
A: If your girlfriend chews before swallowing.

Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork.

Q: What is the leading cause in death with lesbians?
A: Hair balls.

Q: What can Life Savers do that men cannot?
A: Come in five flavours.

Q: What is good on pizza but bad on pussy?
A: Crust

Q: Why do faggots wear ribbed condoms?
A: More traction in the mud.

Q: What is the worst smelling thing in the world?
A: An anchovies ****.

Q: Did you hear about the Polish porno flick?
A: It's called: " Debbie does nothing. "

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who broke her nose on a steering wheel?
A: She was trying to blow the horn.

Q: How can you tell when a girl is a redneck?
A: She can chew tobacco and suck **** at the same time, and know what to spit and
what to swallow!

Q: What's red and climbs up your leg?
A: A homesick abortion.

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

Q: How does Michael Jackson know when it's time for bed?
A: When the big hand is on the little hand.

Q : What do you do after raping a deaf, dumb and blind girl?
A : Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

Q: What's the worst thing about eating vegetables?
A: Putting them back in the wheelchair when you're done.

Q: Why is anal sex better then normal sex?
A: It's warm, it's tight and more degrading to women.

Q: Why is my penis bigger than yours?
A: Because I'm jerking off right now.

Q: What's black and blue and hates sex?
A: A rape victim.


And last but not least, my favourite out of all of these tasteless jokes.

Q: Why didn't Superman rescue any of the people trapped in the World Trade Center
from the clutches of death?
A: Because he's in a wheelchair.