1. All those who proclaim that dog is man's best friend, have evidently not played with a pussy.

2. Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only ****ing yourself

3. The irony of a blow job is that even if you have her at your feet she's got you by the balls.

4. A girl is said to be grown up when she starts wearing a bra. A boy is grown up when he starts removing it .

5. Wives are funny creatures... They don't have sex with their husbands for weeks and then they want to kill the woman who does!

6. Text msgs are like a blow job from an amateur prostitute......short sweet and cheap

7. Whenever you feel low, depressed or useless, remember that you are the same sperm that won a battle against a million others.

8. Success is like masturbation, only ur own hand can let u acheive it.

9.Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise.

10. Happiness is like pen*$; always looks small if you hold it in your hands but when you learn to share it, you'll realize how big & precious it is!

11. Life is like a dick! When it's hard **** it!

12. Here is the definition of divorce.......She gets the ring and the man gets the finger

13. Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.

14. Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken.

15. Whoever said talk is cheap hasn't seen phone sex bills