I came across this and thought it might amuse:

Top 10 Reasons I'm Not Attending BlackHat

1010. The baby is due any day now.
1001. I don't look good in black.
1000. CRISS ANGEL Believe™ Hasn't Opened Yet
0111. No piercings or tattoos.
0110. I don't enjoy over-hyped over-the-top presentations.
0101. In the game "spot the fed" I would always be identified as "the fed" (though I'm not one).
0100. Unable to get into the really good parties (see "spot the fed" remark).
0011. My philosophy of security is much broader than 3117 h4X0ring.
0010. August is the wrong time of year for hiking the Grand Canyon.
0001. Because with BlackHat, what happens in Vegas doesn't seem to stay in Vegas.

Original is here: