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Thread: Programmer & tech people jokes?

  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2013

    Programmer & tech people jokes?

    If you know any good jokes about programmers and tech people post them here

    margarine and eggs

    Wife sends her husband programmer to the store:
    - please buy 1 package of margarine, and if they have eggs - buy 10
    Husband comes back home with 10 packages of margarine. Wife gets angry:
    - why so much margarine?!?
    - you've said it yourself - to buy 10 if they have eggs.

  2. #2
    Keeping The Balance CybertecOne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    In the spirit of spirited-ness;

    For computer geeks
    A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.

    If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.

    There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.

    In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?

    Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.

    Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

    Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.

    An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables. It approaches, and asks “may I join you?”

    Q: Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
    A: Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.

    Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft… and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor

    Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
    A: None. It’s a hardware problem.

    Two strings walk into a bar and sit down. The bartender says, “So what’ll it be?”
    The first string says, “I think I’ll have a beer quag fulk boorg jdk^CjfdLk jk3s d#f67howe%^U r89nvy~~owmc63^Dz x.xvcu”
    “Please excuse my friend,” the second string says. “He isn’t null-terminated.”

    “I’m not interrupting you, I’m putting our conversation in full-duplex mode.”
    - Antone Roundy

    A doctor, a civil engineer and a programmer are discussing whose profession is the oldest.
    “Surely medicine is the oldest profession,” says the doctor. “God took a rib from Adam and created Eve and if this isn’t medicine I’ll be…”
    The civil engineer breaks in:
    “But before that He created the heavens and the earth from chaos. Now that’s civil engineering to me.”
    The programmer thinks a bit and then says:
    “And who do you think created chaos?”

    And a few not quite computer-related bonus jokes

    We liked these ones too much to throw them away, so here you are.

    A logician tells a colleague his wife just had a baby.
    - Is it a boy or a girl?
    - Yes.

    A cop pulls over Werner Heisenberg and says, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?”
    Heisenberg responds, “NO, but I know EXACTLY where I am.”

    And finally, this little zinger:
    Lotteries are a tax on people who suck at math.
    Last edited by CybertecOne; November 14th, 2013 at 05:27 PM.
    "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius --- and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction."
    - Albert Einstein

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