Ok, so the day is here, and I have been freekin hacked.

I know alot about computers in many ways, but when the subject is security I guess I am a newbee.I have roamed the net to try to find out anything about security, but the informasion is huge and vage. Somebody with good knowledge should clean up the newbee section here....it is comprehensive but wery messy and confusing for alot of people I guess.

So I need some help here.

I came home, got to the computer which had been on the net for hours, so I was lookin around, suddenly my mouse behaved silly. I thougt my new mouse just were weird, but when i saw it closing windows and ****, I shut down my computer.

I run several internett programs, like messenger, AOL IM, web server, ftp servers, and I think the silly smtp server is running, I have programs to update my DNS name like dyndns.org stuff, I have a vnc program to remote controll my computer at work or other funny places, and the only security software I have is Norton "well patched" Antivirus, and a few games for online use. .....and a *ehem* p2p apps.

I think the hacker got the password for my vnc and were using that to get in. I don't realy know.

Sooo, What do I need? I'll try explain. I don't need to patch my system from the ass and up. I don't need a firewall, they only messes up everything and provide little security, and I don't want one either, they realy messes up the system so badly.
Why? because I run so many non-secure apps that my computer is like a halfopen money safe in a prison whithout gurads....anyway....

What I need is something like this.....

Everybody connects to me with an ip, right?
The ip goes in an port, right?
After the port the packages goes to an application?

I would need something that can see the traffic from the ip adress and all the way in to the software that gets the packages, and it should be presented on a "timeline" so that I can see that a weird adress connected to my AOL IM and AOL IM sendt out 30MB to that ip adress between 2 and 4 am. something like that. and if the system could see what files the program accessed that would be great too. Because I have an handfull of friends that access my ftp, that should be ok, because the ftp have only one dir it could access, but if it access silly directories around on my software, then it should ring a bell right? or if between2 or 4 am there was an app startet that connected and did silly naughty things on my computer.

I don't know if software like this exist, I have a bad feeling about that it don't. I don't care if people connect to my computer, but I want an app that can help me spot when somebody crosses the line between friendly connecting and hacking.
And the information the app is giving me should be so good that I could turn those evidence over to an abuse department at the ISP and make them deal with it, or in worst case senario...police. The firewall I have now cannot do that. It present tonns of ip adresses whithout giving good and easy info about what it is..

I don't want a wall, I want a surveilance equipment that can see who is going over my lawn, to whom, doing what, and if they misbehave, beeing naughty you know, I should have a shotgun....no no no...I want a big f*** exterminator.......hehe

If you have links to programs that fit the description please give it to me, and if you have good links to how to use the more fancy security features in windows I would be greatful.
If you have links to sites that can tell me what those different prosesses running in the backgroud are for something, that would be good. And if you have links to sites that present port numbers and what they are used for, by who, and how...that would be great to.

and tell me if there is great articles in the forum, I could not find any because I realy don't know what I'm looking for, and alot of the articles were mostly non-informative.

...and a page to go to when the paranoia takes comlete overhand, my firewall it satt to be mean and realy make it though on people.....and during the writing I have had 20 different ips trying to connect to a bounch of wierd ports......