What's grey, sits at the end of your bed, and takes the piss?
A dialysis machine.

What would it take to re-unite the Beatles?
2 bullets

Whats yellow, and lives off dead Beatles?
Yoko Ono

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.

A man recieves a phone call from his doctor one day. The doctor sounds very concerned, and informs the man that his wife's lab results were mixed up with someone elses, and they don't know whether she has a heart defect, or AIDS. The man asks the Doctor "Well what can I do?", the Doctor replies "Send her out running. If she comes back, DON'T **** her!"