some jokes to relieve u from tensions....
hello friends here are some jokes i am posting....
just read them and they will give u the best medicene in this world......and that is
"laughter"
Good Housekeeping
Gardner goes to see his supervisor in the front office.
"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."
"We're short-handed, Gardner," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."
"Thanks boss," says Gardner, "I knew I could count on you!"
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
************************
TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
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TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K R O K O D A I L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
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TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*************************
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find NorthAmerica.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
**************************
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have
today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
*************************
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
**************************
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
***************************
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
***********************
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
************************
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday
sametime."
**********************
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry
tree,
but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish
him?"
Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
***********************
Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
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Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green
and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same at
home.
**************************
At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute
year old girl and asked her where she got her good looks. "I musta got 'em
from my Daddy," said the little girl, "'cause Mommy's still got hers."
***************************
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped
him,what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
***************************
Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
***************************
Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
*****************************
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are
no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
*****************************
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in the
field"
Student : A cow and a bull are grazing in the field
Teacher : How ?
Student : Ladies first
thanks for reading....
hope u enjoyed....it...
intruder....
Anti UNIX/MS-Windows jokes
Here's a few jokes I thought some of you would like. I'm not against unix or windows but hey, it's just a joke. :)
Anti UNIX jokes:
If Unix is the answer, then it must have been a stupid question.
Unix is the only virus with a command-interface.
How can an operating system from 1970 (UNIX) be more modern than an operating system from 1978 (VMS)?
Unix - the first computer virus.
NFS = Nightmare File System.
Berkeley is famous for LSD and BSD UNIX. I don't think that is a coincidence.
Sure, the Unix file system corrupts your files, but look how fast it is!
If Unix were a beer, then it would be shipped in open casks so that anybody could piss in it before delivery.
UNIX is user friendly. It's just selective about who its friends are.
The scariest thing about Jurassic Park was that the control systems were Unix.
NFS = Not Fully Servicable.
Anti MS-Windows jokes:
MicroSoft is not the answer, MicroSoft is the question, the answer is no.
Is MicroSoft a new toilet paper or what?
Question: How many Microsoft engineers do you need to replace a broken light-bulb?
Answer: None, Microsoft will standardize the darkness in such cases!
Windows makes Unix look like an operating system!
1995: DOS is dead. Bill.
1998: Bill is dead. DOS.
1995: DOS is dead. Bill.
1998: C:\>copy con prn
Bill is dead.
^Z
Question:What is the difference between Windows and an apple ?
Answer:Apples only fall down once a year.
NT = Not Today
If MicroSoft would sell cars:
the model of a given year would be available one year later
you have to buy a new car, if any traffic signs change
your car would stop sometimes and for some reason you think this is normal
you can only drive in your car alone except if you have a Car95 or a CarNT
there would be no controls for oil, gas or breaks - only a "unknown error" ligth
people would be fascinated by all theese new features in car95 like doors and gearboxes
they will have to use MicroSoft gas
Windows = cheap Mac clone
An Intel PC has four protections modes: Abort, Retry, Fail and Reboot
NT is not enterprise ready until MS is willing to support it.
Those jokes can be viewed Here.
Remote_Access_
