Wednesdays Jokes (some rude)
:D
It's been a while since my last lot of jokes (via email so still no credit) so here's some more to brighten up your day(s)
;)
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:D
Lulu was a hooker, but she didn't want her grandma to know. One day,
the police raided a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The
police took them outside and had all the hookers line up along the
driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her
granddaughter. Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"
Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her
grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and
she was just lining up for some. "Why, that's awfully nice of them. I
think I'll get some for myself", and she proceeded to the back of the
line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from
all of the hookers. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and
exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my dentures out, rip
the skin back and suck them dry."
The policeman fainted
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;)
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and
informs the dad that his son was born without a torso, arms or legs.
The son is just a head!
But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 18 years, the son is old enough for his first drink. His Dad takes him to the bar,
tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy.
With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his
head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooop! A torso pops out!
The bar is dead silent; then bursts into a whoop of joy.
The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again.
The patrons chant 'Take another drink'! The bartender still shakes his head in dismay.
Swoooop! Two arms pops out!
The bar goes wild.
The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant
'Take another drink'! The bartender ignores the whole affair.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, and with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and
guzzles the last of it.
Swoooop! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God.
The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left , then to the right,
through the front door, into the street, where a truck smashes into him and
kills him instantly.
The bar falls silent.
The father cries hysterically.
The bartender sighs and says ' I knew he should have quit while he was a head!'
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:cool:
Three women had a very late night drinking. They left in the early morning hours and went home their separate ways.
The next day, they all met and compared notes about who was drunker the night before.
The first girl claimed that she was the drunkest, and said, "I drove straight home and walked into the house. As soon as I got through the door, I blew chunks."
The second said, "You think that was drunk? Hell, I got into my car and wrapped my car around the first tree I saw. I don't even have insurance!"
The third proclaimed, "Damn, I was the drunkest by far. When I got home, I got into a big fight with my husband, knocked a candle over, and burned the whole house down!"
The room was silent for a moment. Then, the first girl spoke out again, "Listen girls, I don't think you understand. Chunks is my dog."
:D :D
