Basic IRC Remotes

We now this is the fun part, i don't know how to explain it well but i will give it a go.

on 1:TEXT:!beer*:#:{
/describe $chan passes $nick a beer
}

Ok if I were to put that code in my remotes script it and someone said !beer i would automaticly reply /me passes $nick ($nick is the person who asked) a beer.
Pretty cool huh?
So you can then do stuff like:

on 1:TEXT:!drink*:#:{
/describe $chan passes $nick a nice ice cold drink
}
on 1:TEXT:!pay*:#:{
/describe $chan can't pay $nick, he's flat broke
}
on 1:TEXT:!scotch*:#:{
/describe $chan passes $nick a nice scotch
}
on 1:TEXT:!kick*:#:{
/describe $chan kicks $nick, thanks
}
on 1:TEXT:!toast*:#:{
/describe $chan gives $nick some buttered toast, good stuff
}
on 1:TEXT:!coffee*:#:{
/describe $chan conjures $nick some fresh home brewed coffee
}
on 1:TEXT:!sex*:#:{
/describe $chan offers $nick 3 days of uninterupted sex with 10 wonderful women
}

All of those will automaticly reply what ever you type after /describe $chan (/describe is just like typeing /me and $chan is the chan that the person said the word in)
Now then with all that down, you can combine all those scripts into a servent script:

on 1:TEXT:!commands*:#:{
/describe $chan !beer, !hookers, !pay, !kick, !drink, !toast, !coffee, !scotch, !sex, !smoke, !condom, !tea, !yum, !men, !women, !woman, !pepsi, !steak, !pen, !paper, !mint, !taxi, !sandwich, !fries, !burger, !napkin, !mayo, !mustard, !ketchup, !tequila, !tobasco, !pizza, !pickle, !coat, !jacket, !hat, !unbrella
}

Now if some1 said !commands it will show all the commands that you list in your script.. I know it is kinda confusing, if you have questions ask them!
Now is one of my favorite parts of remotes:

on 1:action:*slaps [DB5]billgates891*:#:{
/describe $chan $read(" $+ $mircdir $+ \slap.txt")
}

So what this will do is if some1 uses /me slaps [DB5]billgates891 i will automaticly resond with a list of responses from my slap.txt that is in my mirc dir.

ex.
iamsokewl slaps [DB5]billgates891 around with a large trout
[DB5]billgates891 Ducks imsokewl blows him away with a cannon

nice don't u think? defend yourself w/o typeing.

Now then the last part that I know of....

On 1:text:!reveal*:#dbx-distro:{ /msg $nick My real nick is: [ [DB5]billgates891 ]

now this will msg the person that says !reveal as long as they are in the chan #dbx-distro that my real nick is [DB5]billgates891 (this is for those peeps that switch nicks around alot.) this is just an example of the endless things you can do with remote scripts!

Attached is some of my scripts for you to tinker with.
some of witch are not in this tutorial so use them at your own risk

Another kewl IRC tutorial bill, well done ;)
Also, to active those remotes in MSGs, it's '?' instead of '#'

i feel so touched that a senoir member liked my tutorial....
i learned it was #, i dunno, maybe both would work, i will test it later tonight if u care to join me my aim sn is billgates891. o ya and jertho, think that moo.dll would make a kewl tutorial, it would combine alias and some remotes! I am also just dippin my toes into popups so u will see a pop-up tut soon also

Cool, mIRC scripting is an interesting topic.
I think the wildcard (*) covers both MSGs and channel messages.