Gems from Scott Adams (Dilbert creator)

I just got my copy of the Dilbert newsletter v. 42.0, and as usual it contains some classics. I've taken the liberty of sharing a few here for those of you who don't subscribe...

True Quotes From Induhviduals
-----------------------------

Here are more true quotes submitted by DNRC members. Most of these were spoken by managers. As always, Induhviduals continue to be confused by critters, food items, nature, and body parts.

--

"We need to iron out our bread and butter."

--

"I don't need a compass to tell me which way the wind shines!"

--

"You don't want me down here breathing down your throats."

--

"That floor is so clean you could comb your hair off of it."

--

"I think we should go for the whole ball of wood."

--

"We're going to clean the competition's lunch."

--

"It's like the blind talking to the blind!"

--

"We've baked our cake, now we have to eat it."

--

"She's totally green under the collar."

--

My boss told me I was a "sword in his thigh."

--

At the completion of my on-campus job interview, which I thought went well, I was told by the interviewer, "You'll hear from us one way or the other or not at all."

True Tales of Induhviduals
--------------------------

Have you recently forgotten where you left your keys? Maybe you're thinking you're losing your keen mental edge. If so, read these true tales of Induhviduals, as reported by DNRC operatives in the field, and you'll see how brilliant you really are, relatively speaking.

--

When I remarked that this Friday is the longest day of the year, our receptionist looked puzzled and asked, "You mean it's longer than 24 hours?"

--

During our recent quarterly division conference call, our division CIO made the following statement: "We do a great job of servicing our customers from the front end, but we must all remember to continue servicing our clients through the back end."

--

The other morning, two people walked by me on their way to the elevator. One said to the other, "So, where do all these elevators go? Are there other floors?" I laughed so hard milk flew out of my cube neighbor's nose.

--

One of my Dad's retired friends spends nine months a year in Wisconsin and goes to Florida for the winter. One year, while he was in Florida, he got a call from the police. His neighbor in Wisconsin, who had a key, had entered his home to check that everything was okay with the house. The house was a shambles and he called the police to report a burglary. The police officer
reported: "The house appears to have been ransacked."

My Dad's friend immediately bought a plane ticket and flew 1000 miles home to discover that the house looked exactly the way it always looks.

--

I saw this statement about a company's services:

"You've taken your first step into a bold new realm that will transform your imagination into a vision."

--

I work in a bank. An Induhvidual tried to return the stamps she had purchased because they "did not work." The stamps were self-stick, and she was licking the shiny paper that you're supposed to peel off.


If you want these gems periodically delivered to your inbox you can request a new subscription to the Dilbert Newsletter by entering your e-mail address at:

http://www.comics.com/comics/dilbert/dnrc/subscribe