Darwin Awards...Funny stuff
My cousin sent me this in an e-mail...enjoy still LMFAO
It's that time again . . . . . They are finally out.
You know about The Darwin Awards: the annual honor given to the person
who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing themselves in the
most extraordinarily stupid way.
Last year's winner was the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine
which toppled over on top of him as he was attempting to tip a free soda
out of it.
And this years nominees are:
Semifinalist #1
A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting
drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol,
mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him
ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting
explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister.
Semifinalist #2
Three Brazilian men were flying in a lig! ht aircraft
at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they
decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of
their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage
with their pants around their ankles.
Semifinalist #3
A 22-year-old Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad
trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker,
taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one
foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park,
jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found
nearby.
"The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the
distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmich! ael said Police
say the apparent cause of death was "major trauma."
Semifinalist #4
A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It
seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the
rattlesnake as a ball. The friend no doubt a future Darwin Awards
candidate - was hospitalized.
Semifinalist #5
Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas
noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the
building extinguishing all potential sources of ignition; lights,
power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from
the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found
they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none
of the lights worked.
Witnesses later described the sight of one of the
technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an! object that
resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like
object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to
three miles away.
Nothing was found of the technicians, but the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician
suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by
his peers.
AND THE WINNER IS.....
The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded
into the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve.
The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car.
The type car was unidentifiable at the scene.
The lab finally figured out what it was and what had happened. It
seems that a guy had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted
Take Off) actually a solid fuel rocket that is used to give heavy!
military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short
airfields).
He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long,
straight stretch of road. Then he attached the JATO unit to his car,
jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO! The facts, as
best as could be determined, are that the operator of the 1967 Impala
hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the
crash site. This was established by the prominent scorched and melted
asphalt at that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust
within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of
350 mph and continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds.
The driver, and soon to be pilot, most ikely would have experienced
G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full!
afterburners, causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of
the event. However, the automobile remained on the straight highway for
about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied the brakes and
completely melted them - blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber
marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4
miles and impacting the face of the cliff at a height of 125 feet
leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable; however, small
fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and
fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed
to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron nearly reached Mach I,
attaining a ground speed of approximately 420 mph
