humor- said in court

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
down and now published by court reporters - who had the
torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually
taking place.
> >
Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
> >
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
> >
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> >
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?
> >
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset y! ou?
A: My name is Susan.
> >
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
> >
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
> >
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> >
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
> >
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
> >
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> >
*** Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
> >
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> >
*** Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing
law somewhere.

Not exactly Tech Humor... but funny nonetheless. Great post!

Good Grief....I'm sorry, I had two windows open at once, tech humor and General chat. I meant to post in general. LOL...you're right, not tech humor. Sorry bout that folks.

Those are pretty funny. My husband is active duty Navy here in Norfolk, Virginia and as part of his job, he has to escort his subordinates to court when they have to go.

One day he was sitting in court and this guy was just being a pain in the judge's butt so the judge said she was putting him in contempt of court and was given 2 day in jail. The man had a fit and the judge bumped it up to 5 days. The guy complained again and was given 14 days. At that point the man's wife jumped up and told him to shut the f@!# up before the B*tch gives you a month.

Needless to say, they were both given a couple of weeks rent free in the county jail.

My husband was laughing his butt off telling me about it. He couldn't believe there are people out there that stupid.

rofl