Santa...

Dear Santa
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer
yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santa

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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love,Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents sm*ked p*t when they had you, didn't they?
Santa

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Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?
Love Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's b*nging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his a$$ constantly? It's time to give up that dream.

Let me get you some nice Legos instead.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay! I'll set you up with a Barbie.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of scotch.
Santa
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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year?
Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget p*rn* films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the a$$e$ of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Hey, you wanted to know.
Santa
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santa

(= i hope you guys enjoy it as much as i did