Funny Redneckisms that are far from true

> > You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.
> >
> > You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a flyswatter.
> >
> > Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
> >
> > Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
> >
> > You burn your yard rather than mow it.
> >
> > You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
> >
> > The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
> >
> > Your entire family sat around waiting for a call from the governor to
> > spare a loved one.
> >
> > You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't
> > want
> > it.
> >
> > You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.
> >
> > You come back from the dump with more than you took.
> >
> > You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
> >
> > Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
> >
> > Your grandmother has "Ammo" on her Christmas list.
> >
> > You've been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
> >
> > You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
> >
> > You've bathed with flea and tick soap.
> >
> > You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
> >
> > Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.
> >
> > You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.
> >
> > You took a fishing pole to Sea World.
> >
> > You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.
> >
> > You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.
> >
> > You have a rag for a gas cap.
> > Your father executes the "Pull my finger" trick during Christmas
> > dinner.
> >
> > Your house doesn't have curtains but your truck does.
> >
> > You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
> >
> > You can spit without opening your mouth.
> > You consider your license plate personalized because your father
> > made
> > it.
> >
> > Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
> >
> > You sit on your roof at Christmas time hoping to fill your deer quota.
> >
> > You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say Cool
> > Whip on
> > the side.
> >
> > The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.
> >
> > Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.
> >
> > You thought the Unibomber was a wrestler.
> >
> > You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.
> >
> > You think a quarter horse is that ride in front of K-Mart.
> >
> > Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always
> > brings
> > you home.
> >
> > A tornado hits your neighborhood and does a $100,000 worth of
> > improvement.
> >
> > You've used a toilet brush as a back scratcher.
> >
> > You've asked the preacher "How's it hangin'?"
> >
> > You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.
> >
> > You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.
> >
> > Somebody tells you that you've got something in your teeth and you
> > take them out to see what it is.