The Bastard System Admin From Michigan #6
well after a VERY LONG TIME its here, i just finished this and i think now i can finally start writing these again, i needed some inspiration though so it took longer, but the next few should be better and better as i get new ideas and bring new characters to the story line, so enjoy and as always post your comments and opinions.
BASTARD SYSTEM ADMIN FROM MICHIGAN
#6
Written entirely by: gore.
Your process was killed so I could play Tron, that’s right; I’m the Bastard sys Admin from Michigan.
8:00 AM: Well I sure have enjoyed my vacation, the company had a “huge problem with the network” so I had a vacation as they had another company come in and lay new cables in the building. Hmm, I can’t help but wonder what ******* would do something like that to a place? He he, they’ll never figure out there was nothing wrong and that I just edited the amount of bandwidth aloud on the servers, oh well, my boss should have given me a raise instead of a “helper”.
8:30 AM: I walk in and the boss reminds me I’m late. I remind him I don’t care and that I am tired and he seems to understand. I walk in and see some weird looking guy sitting in a chair placed next to mine. Before I even walk in I look at the boss, what in the hell is that?
He says its my assistant, I almost smacked him, but then again we cant judge everyone by looks alone, hell bill gates has power doesn’t he? I walk in and sit down at my desk and realize he’s actually on the phone talking to a user…I’m disappointed already… wait, what’s this? A “REAL SYS ADMINS DO IT IN WINDOWS 95” SHIRT?????????????
My jaw lands nicely in my lap and I look at him in disgust, how dare you call your self a sys admin! While he turns to take ANOTHER call from a user I see my chance and run with it, I pull out my lighter and start his shirt on fire and smile.
He drops the phone and jumps up screaming, looks like he just got the flaming screen of death. You’d think he’d be used to things like that.
I’m starting to doubt that I’ll be getting along with him for much longer, he looks at me like its my fault he cant pick an OS with class, I mean come one Windows 95 was a joke wasn’t it? (Yes we all hope and pray it was but deep down we know the true horror that people actually thought it was an OS) I look up and see him very angry looking, I ask him what he’s looking at me like that about and he says it was very rude of me to do that and “what’s worse I was taking a call” I think I need to train him quick I cant take this damn lusers are people too bullshit.
I stand up and give him the look of death and he shuts up and sits down, I tell him while he’s in MY lab, I’m HIS boss.
Me: what in the hell are you thinking man, no real sys admin uses 95!
Him: but I like it and I can just point at the things I want to use and I can see them on my screen in color.
Me: I’m going to murder you in your sleep.
10:00 AM: I’m taking lunch early because well I’m bored and I’m going to go pick something up for the lab…actually just for me but who cares? I leave and run home and grab a couple of Linux and Free BSD boxes I had in my house with nothing to do, my OC-256 connection hasn’t seemed to lag and so I don’t need the extra firewalls. (These boxes are Pentiums running at about 300MHz, nothing big just something to have fun on with a *NIX distro) I come back to the office and walk in; he is on the phone again! I set down the cart I used to carry the PCs in with me and look at him. He looks up and hangs up the phone; he asks me what “those things are”. I tell him there magical annoyance killer and he looks scared, I like that.
I start to hook up the PCs and turn them on, I don’t have these things start up in GUI mode and he almost faints, ugh he’s such an end user. I set them all up and begin plugging them into the network.
12:00 PM: Look I’m actually going to lunch at a regular time today, for once. I have to, I have work I need to get done today, I eat lunch and run back to the lab, I see he brought his lunch with him and he’s eating an apple. What the hell is this? No coffee, no sugared drinks, water and an apple, I soon learn again the funny taste of powdered tooth enamel in my mouth. Oh well, on to the work, I make sure every PC is hooked into the network, then I boot up and thanks to DJCP it grabs me an IP and I’m on, muahahahahahaha.
I check out the network and see someone is checking there mail, I see there mailing the boss to say how much they like the new admin way better than the bastard old one, ok now that is a death wish. I log her out of her account and tell MR nice guy to get the hell away from the phone I’m taking the next one. Of course it rings at once, I answer Hello?
It’s Mrs. I hate the bastard saying her connection is down and she’s trying to get work done, I say “Well I’m doing a few things on the network too and hooking up new PCs to it so wait a few minutes and it should be up again soon, I wouldn’t want to seem like a mean bastard or nothing” its always good to keep them on there toes not sure if you read there mail there mind or guessed, he he.
I check out who’s on and see my boss using a lot of bandwidth downloading something to his “Images” folder. Hmm this could be useful at another time so I make sure I back up everything onto a ZIP disk. I didn’t know my boss was into beastiality but I bet his wife would love to hear about it, and the CEO, oh yea, he would love me then. Well, now that I backed that up and put it on a zip disk I guess its back to the mailer problem, hmmmm, I think ill edit this mail, I cut her off as she was about to hit send so now I have a good excuse to say its already sent, I take out everything and delete the mail but since I’m logged in as her on the Linux box its easy to make the problem a positive, hehe.
[[email protected]] => mail –s “Hello Sir” boss@company
Hi, this is your secretary and I just wanted to say that I cant stand that new system admin, he was very rude, the old Bastard is so much better and he knows what he is talking about, please fire the new guy.
Luser.
^D
Well, now that I’m done with this time to log out and plug her back in.
I plug her connection back in and call her to say her connection should be fine now, she thanks me and hangs up.
She calls back a minute later to ask if her mail had been sent and I say yes it sent right before the network was down. She says ok with a “ha-ha I got you fired” attitude, I giggle thinking no you got me a raise. We hang up and I walk out into the lab to check on things, I see someone sitting at the main computer in the lab with a big grin, they look up and see me and **** themselves and I look at the screen to see “downloading bigpornmovie.mpeg” and also “trying to access root account” I look at him with an evil grin and walk away, When I get to my desk I sit down, see who he is and then log him out, he doesn’t bother calling knowing damn well what happened but has no idea whats about to happen. What he doesn’t know is that his box is Windows 98 SE and that im logged in it right now, I write up a quick bath file and add it to start up, I edit everything, if certain phrases are used near a sentence with my name in it, his HD is formatted, every time he send an e-mail now one also goes to my e-mail address and the Boss also gets one, and every time he tries to look at a website his computer crashes. I think he will learn now.
2:00 PM: Well, guess who sent an e-mail to his friends about how much of an ******* me and the boss are? Guess who also just got fired. I see him in the parking lot and decide to have some fun. I hot the magical “switch of death” I have on my desk and pick a space in the parking lot, I pick his car and super soakers on top of the building filled with paint remover and salt water (Two guns) begin blasting his car, the mixture hits at just the right angle so while one part of the car is getting paint remover sprayed at it, a few seconds of delay allow for a lovely paint peeling effect as the salt water starts spraying the rest. I look out and see him piss himself in shock as he sees his car melt away. Could this get anymore fun??? I see the “lil helper monkey” walk in and ask what I’m doing. I tell him to shut up and go check on the lusers and he does, his shirt he borrowed says I’m an idiot because I think I’m a sys admin and can’t use Linux. Fits him well, after a lil laughing I look outside to see the I want root access **** head crying, well my work here is done, I think ill go play some more.
3:00 PM: Well before I go home I guess I should make something for myself to do tomorrow, I walk around and give every Windows box on the network a virus, nothing bad just enough to screw every .doc file on the network, hey I’m bored ok?
I start playing the Sex Pistols and realize everyone is looking at me like I have a nipple on my forehead and I ask what? No one says a thing they all just walk away. Oh well, I’m going home for the night, the Boss follows me and asks about what I think of the new guy, I say he’s an idiot and has no right being called a system admin and that I want him fired, I remind him of his lil “images” folder and he almost shits himself. I realize that the last time I was here I put stay awake pills into the coffee and forgot, no wonder the boss has been all jittery today and then the co workers are all bouncing around, this is kind of fun! The boss asks about the “images” folder and I say oh don’t worry I made a lot of copies, some on disk some online and some on an FTP I set up and he almost cries, I say to him that I will be getting a raise and I will also be picking the next sys admin he thinks should be my helper or they will be sent to the news papers. He agrees and says I can do whatever I want, ahh finally. I can’t believe it took so long for him to see I own. I walk out the door and start my car up and start driving home, tomorrow will be a lot more fun.
Coming in the next episode:
What could possibly be a helper for someone so mean? Find out next time when our hackin’ hero gets more money per hour and a new helper.
