The Bastard System Admin. From Michigan's Boss
With Gore's blessing, I have gone forth to create:
THE BASTARD SYSTEM ADMIN FROM MICHIGAN's BOSS
Written by 11001001, inspired by Gore
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6:00 AM: I turn on my home computer and connect to my office citrix account. I start
downloading "The Matrix-Reloaded" so I can watch it in my office. The download reaches
about 12% completion when an error pops up about there not being enough disk space or some techno bullshit. This pisses me off, so I log out of Citrix and decide to go in early to try and download it befor that Bastard SysAdmin gets in. I leave my house and head directly to work.
6:30 AM: I head into the server room and look around. There are more computers, wires, and flashing lights in here than I know what to do with. I pick up the phone and call my
brother-in-law. He's older than me. He'll know what to do. He tells me to look for a big
computer with the word "file" somewhere in the label. I tell him I found one called "File
Server." He tells me to go to it, and when I want to delete things, type in rm and the name
of the file I want to delete. I asked him what to do if I want to delete a lot of files.
he said to put an asterisk in place of the name or extention. I say "Thanks" and hang up.
It sounded like he was still talking, but I was in rush. I type in rm *.* to make sure
there's going to be enough room for "The Matrix" and some question came up. Whatever. hey don't pay me to do computers. That's why we have Gore. I hit "y" like three times.
6:50 AM: I awake to find myself on the floor of the server room. What happened to me? I
remember typing that "rm" thing... 72,581,438 files deleted... Oh yeah. ****! I must have
fainted. Must...call...Gore...
7:30 AM: Gore seems pissed. My day has just been shot to hell. What the **** did I do? I
begin to think about all the possible ways Gore is going to repay me for this. He is such a
Bastard. ****. Now I'm crying. I can't beleive I let this guy get to me like this. ****
it. I'll blame the tears on my allergies. I should go meet him in the parking lot to try
and apologize before he takes out all his wrath on me.
7:55 AM: That rat bastard is sitting in his car smoking. Whe he finally gets out, I go
right over to him to begin to apologize. He tells me that he'll fix it. "Oh, ok." I
respond.
8:00 AM: I wait a moment and follow him inside. I give him a minute and then ask him what
the situation is. He told me I deleted everything, and in the process killed the romulator
chip. Now there's no way he can get anything back. I fight to keep my composure. I've
already fainted once today, I can't let him see me do it another time. He then tells me
that everyone has lost everything. Period. ****. I want to die. What the hell's a Romulator Chip? It sounds like some kind of Star Trek thing.
8:30 AM: I head back to my office and upour a healthy dose of Bailey's into my morning
coffee. I want to make sure I'm good and drunk before I go tell the big boss what I did.
It's going to be a long day.
9:30 AM: boi did i get reeemd. lukilee im alitl drunk. th bossss sez thet i did a dum
thuing. he sas thst we pay gud mpney fir a stsem admon, snd i shod justy lert him doo hiss
job. that sonofabitch. gore is a bastard. ill get im oneday. i needc spome advilll.
11:50 AM: I just finish sobering up, and I get an email from some ******* employee who
clearly wants to leave the company. He goes on to tell me all about how he's been sleeping
with my wife and daughter for nine months. That *******. I get up from my desk so steaming
mad that I fall over my chair. Now I'm really mad. I walk right over the the coward's
office and calmly tell him to gather his things, he no longer works for the company. He
tries to pretend that he has no idea what I'm talking about. I lift him from his chair and
force him from the office. When we reach the top of the stairs, I "help him down." We get
outside, and I proceed to give him the worst kickass I have ever given. Then I tell him
again that he's fired. Son of Bitch. Sleep with my wife and daughter. I don't even have a
daughter.
12:15 PM: I get back to my office and see that I have a new email.
It's from Gore.
****.
He tells me that he enjoyed watching my display of unrestrained male aggression, and that he has a video of it if I ever want to see it from another angle. This bastard has me coming
and going. I send him reply. "What is it going to cost?"
12:20 PM: A T3. At his house. I hate him more than I hate anything. There's nothing I
can do about him. I can't fire him. I can't make him angry. All I can do is what he wants
me to do. I feel like a pawn. I reply: "I contacted the phone company. They'll be there
between 9 and 5 on thursday to install your T3. Take the day off. Paid vacation.
1:00 PM: I go to see my System Admin. "I hope you like your new connection, you're
expensive."
"I know, but I'm worth it." he says.
"You're not worth the powder to blow you to hell." I think.
"Have you decided on a helper yet?" I ask.
He tells me the person he has in mind is called "Aeallison." Great. Another one without a
real name. I say, "Let me know..." and I leave his office.
I pray to God the new guy is nothing like Gore.
