i was bored so i thought why not bring some laughs to the AO community :)
1.) Remove your disk from the drive and hide it. Go to the lab monitor and complain that your computer ate your disk. (For special effects, put some Elmer's Glue on or around the disk drive. Claim that the computer is drooling.)
2.) Some people have hacked into Microsoft and stolen their Windows XP code and here it is. I am sure that they would love any improvements for the next version.
#include <windows.h>
#include <system_errors.h>
#include <stdlib.h>
char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
main()
{
if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();
if (fast_cpu())
set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed, very_slow);
set_mouse(action, jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction, sometimes);
printf("Welcome to Windoze 3.999 (we might get it right \
or just call it Chicargo)\n");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt);
else
system_memory = open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
while(1) {
sleep(5);
get_user_input();
sleep(5);
act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
if (rand() < 0.9)
crash(complete_system);
}
return(unrecoverable_system);
}
3.) Ten DOS commandments http://www.duckshit.com/computer_jok...er_jokes5.html
4.) You know you are addicted to the Internet when...
Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
You code your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
You get a tatoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 2.01or higher."
5.)Bill Gates dies and is up at the pearly gates.
St Peter: Well, you've got a choice. Have a look around here. Pop down to Hell and see what Satan has to offer. Check us out, and then let me know your decision.
Bill has a look around heaven. Lots's of somber people singing hymns, praising the Lord.
He goes down to Hell. There are beautiful beaches, lots of sun, sand, attractive women. Long cool drinks that never get you drunk. He loves it. He goes back to St Peter.
Gates: Look, I know you're really doing good things here, but Hell seems more with it. More my kind of scene, you know what I mean? No hard feelings, but I pick Hell.
St Peter: No worries. You've got it.
Bill finds himself back in Hell, neck deep in fire and brimstone, suffering eternal torment. He can't figure it out.
Gates: Hey! St Peter! Where are the beautiful girls and long beaches and cool drinks?
St Peter: Sorry if you got confused, That was just the demo version.
6.)What does a programmer say when he chokes ... F1 F1 F1 F1
7.)Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to Press Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.
8.)MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
9.) The top ten signs that your co-worker is a computer hacker
. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.
. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.
. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.
. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.
. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.
. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net"
. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.
. Video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among turn-ons
. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President."
. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, jerk."
