The Bastard System Admin From Michigan's Boss #2
Sorry it took so long. Been Busy at work...
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THE BASTARD SYSTEM ADMIN FROM MICHIGAN'S BOSS #2 ~By JIM
His degree in management never prepared him for this. It's the Bastard's Boss.
8:00 AM: I slowly walk into work, nervous as all hell, worried about what Gore might do
next. Here I am, hoping things would change with the new guy, and Gore's already
brainwashed him.
Poor Aeallison.
I need time to think. I reach my office and put Yanni - Live at the Acropolis into my CD
player. This is so relaxing...
8:30 AM: I hear thing familiar "bing" of my Outlook telling me I have new email. As I
recover from my whiplash, I notice there is drool on my tie. I must have dozed off.
I open the email to find this lovely note:
Dear *******,
I want you to know I do not like you, I would quit my job but with the baby your wife is
having because of me I need the extra money. By the way I'm sorry about your Mom being
pregnant, I wore a condom, and how was I supposed to know it would break?
-Luser
What in the wide, wide world of sports is going on here?
I decide to have a little "chat" with my subordinate. I march over to his office and ask to
speak with him. I think he just shat himself! As white as a ghost, he follows me back to
my office. I ask him to stand, because I don't want **** all over my leather sofa that I
bought with the pay of the last employee who royally pissed me off.
He begins to tremble. Now I see why Gore loves his job so much. I hand him a printed copy
of the email he sent me and I kindly ask him to explain...
He tells me of the altercation he had with Gore this morning and started crying his eyes out
saying he didn't do it. I start to believe him, so I say I'll transfer him to our office in
Boston to get him away from Gore. I never liked this guy anyway, but I can't fire him.
9:00 AM: I decide to have fun with Gore and Aeallison. They've been bastards long enough.
If they're going to make my life hell, it was time I return the favor.
I call my wife and tell her to stop checking the home email. She asks why, but I say I'll
just tell her later.
Then I open up Outlook and begin typing.
Dear Sweetheart,
I know our marriage has been great this past 21 years, but it's time I come clean. I am in
love with our new assistant system admin. Aeallison is so dreamy. I think about having sex
with him all day long. Maybe if I'm extra "nice" to him, he'll convince Gore to help me
pick out a new computer.
Anyway, our marriage is over. You give me such a headache. I would say that I'll always
love you, but then, why would I leave you for a man if that were true?
Take care,
The Boss.
Woohoohoo! I know Gore is going to find this! I just know it! I can't wait to see the
expressions on their faces when they think I'm in love with Aeallison!
3:30 PM: He found it! He wants to have a "little chat" later on. Ha ha! Now, I'll just
have to keep up this little charade for a while longer. I reply to his email and politely
ask him what is on his mind.
4:00 PM: Gore send a reply saying that he sent a copy to Aeallison and made multiple
backups. He said that if I don't give him what he wants, he'll make it the MOTD.
What the hell is MOTD?
He then goes on about sexual harassment and an uncomfortable work environment for his new assistant.
Mother of God.
Gore has owned me again.
The VP is already pissed off at me about the Crack-Whore magazines from last week. This
can't get out.
4:02 PM: Gore- Anything you want. -The Boss
4:05 PM: He wants new PCs, new Laptops, and new cars for both him and Aeallison. What can I do but say OK? I tell him he pisses me off, but he'll get them.
He sends me an email back. telling me that he also wants raises for Aeallison and himself.
I say OK again.
4:10 PM: At this point I am steaming mad. I pop 3 Lopressors for my blood pressure.
Then I have an idea.
4:30 PM: Just ordered two Barbie Edition Dodge Neons for my system admins. Two doors, extra small, and Hot Pink. I arrange to have them delivered to the office the next day. My
favorite part is the custom paint job I got for them. Over the driver's side door of one
car is GORE, and the other AEALLISON. Just like on a racecar. He He...
4:40 PM: I call my college roommate who works at Dell. I tell him my situation, and he
custom builds me the PCs I need: Pentium 2 processor, 4 Gb hard drive, 64 Mb or RAM... I
don't know what all that means, but he assures me that the machines are brand new pieces of crap. I thank him profusely, and he tells me they will ship out within days.
4:50 PM: I call HR and tell them that the VP has approved a raise for the System Admin and
his assistant. She asks, "Why? They suck." I say, "Hey, I'm just the messenger." She asks
how much and I tell her $.03/Hr. She asks me if I'm joking, and I tell her of course not.
She says she put it through.
5:00 PM: I stop in to tell Gore that I took care of everything for him, but they're both
already gone. Bastards.
5:30 PM: I get home to find a note from my wife. Assuming she went to get dinner, I pick it
up and read it.
I can't believe you would leave me after 21 years. And for a man! I hope you burn in hell
for all eternity. My lawyer will call you soon to discuss the terms of our divorce. Don't
try to contact me.
-Your Ex-Wife
I hate my life.
I hate Gore.
