How to please your IT department
When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, and personal trivia. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.
When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.
When I.T. support sends you an e-mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.
When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.
When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it.
When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.
When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.
When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" that motivates us.
Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "My thingy blew up".
Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them.
If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them.
Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about that computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as crap.
When you receive a 30mb movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.
When you bump into an I.T. person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends.
When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and drivers somewhere.
Keep it crashing!
