asm/printer status/int 17

i've been attempting to use int 17h to check printer status. using function 1 and 2, and 5 all return values that don't seem right (which is always the same value that i left in AH for the function). I have used all values in DX, but no change. The texts I have don't describe it very sufficiently, basically only stating that int 17h is for printer stuff. The material I've found on the net describe it, but only the values, and I tried what seems like the only possibilities for those values. DX is supposed to contain the printer port right? I'm using a printer off USB virtual port, so don't know if that affects anything involved, but only thought I had that wasn't related to syntax necessarily. Perhaps it is returning the correct status in the bits it has set, but it seems to be the same regardless of which function I put in AH. Here is some example code (written for masm) if it is any help:

.model small
.stack 100h
.data

char dw 0

.code
main proc
mov cx,0FFFFh
L1:
mov ah, 1 ;substituted with function 2 as well, and 5 (using DL for character)
mov dx, [char]
int 17h
inc [char]
add ah, 30h ;so hopefully I'll get a character to look up in ASCII and figure
; out the binary from the related hex, also, assembled in debug
; with values in AH unchanging. Printer status says ready under
; control panel.
mov dl, ah
mov ah, 2
int 21h
loop L1

mov ax, 4C00h
int 21h

main endp
end main

:confused: -thanks.