Ever Spoken And Wished You Hadn't?
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Hair Salon
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and
three kids in tow and asked loudly,
"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow
job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went
back.
My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.
Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX
The Pad
An insurance man visited me at home to talk about
our mortgage insurance.
He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me,
and I wanted to follow as best I could,
so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a
pad.
He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front
of our guest.
Kathy Newman, 46, Winston-Salem, NC
Toilet Paper
I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came
into the bathroom and
wrapped himself in toilet paper.
Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I
ran for my camera and took a few shots.
They came out so well that I had copies made and
included one with each of our Christmas cards.
Days later, a relative called about the picture
laughing hysterically,
and suggesting I take a closer look.
Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to
discover that in addition to my son,
I had captured my reflection in the mirror -
wearing nothing but a
camera.
Golf Balls
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds
of golf balls.
I was unhappy with the women's type I had been
using.
After browsing for several minutes,
I was approached by one of the good-looking
gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I
looked at him and said,
"I think I like playing with men's balls."
Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI
Nuts about You
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a
store that sold a variety of nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy
behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy
grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.
Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie, MD
Behave
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my
toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok.
I was finally able to grab hold of her after
receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.
I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in
a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell
Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
The silence was deafening after this enlightening
exchange. Even the
tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked
out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard when the door closed behind
me were screams of
laughter.
Amy Richardson,Stafford, Virginia
Thumbtacks
A lady picked up several items at a discount
store.
When she finally got up to the checker, she
learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on
the intercom and boomed out for the entire store to hear,
"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX SUPER SIZE."
That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of
the store apparently
misunderstood the word
"Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS."
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over
the intercom.
"DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB
OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Diane E. Amov
No Accident
Have you ever asked your child a question too many
times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with
potty training and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch
in between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining room.
so of course I checked my seven-month-old
daughter, and she was clean.
Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go
potty in a while, so I asked
him if he needed to go
and he said "No." I kept thinking,
"Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I
don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have
an accident?"
"No," he replied.. I just KNEW that he must have
had an accident, because
the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo! I asked one more time, "Danny, did you
have an accident?"
This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over and spread his
cheeks and yelled.
"SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked ! to death on their
tacos laughing!
He calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better by thanking me
for the best laugh they'd ever had!
Inches
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing
for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who
will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What happens when you predict snow but don't get
any....a true story.
We had a female news anchor who, the day after it
was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
turned to the weatherman and asked: So Bob,
where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half
the crew did too they were
laughing so hard!
Nightfalls_Girl
