Admin's Gripe

Ah, the user...
How many times must I reset a password? How many times must I forward you the same instructions on a simple topic that you could probably learn about if you would just read the first e-mail?
I spent two and a half years on the grueling front lines of a help desk. I've heard them all, even the fabled 'any key' call. I've begged countless users to stop moving their mice while I'm remote controlling and I've had someone drop her whole desktop on my desk after I asked her to return her modem. I've met and conversed with idiots, dolts, morons, twits, ninkumpoops and boobs, but family and friends just don't understand...
You see, I, like most of you, have lost a part of myself along the way. I recall being fresh, hopeful and optimistic. I narrowly escaped a lifetime of torture at the hands of a mainframe that knew no mercy. Thankful... That was before part of me died, left lying in the gutter alongside the road of life. The murderer? Users...
So then I narrowly escaped a lifetime of torture at that hole of a job and moved onto something better. I'm ADMIN now! GOD POWERS OVER NETWORKS!!!
People still don't listen....
I changed companies-- more money, a smaller place, more leighway to do what I want. But no matter where I go, I've discovered that there's no hiding from the dreaded sub-human organism known as "The User". This person believes that their problem/request is always the most important thing that YOU NEED TO DO. This person doesn't have time to read a couple of paragraphs of instructions because they believe that you're job is to do it for them. When referring to something of a technical nature, this person frequently say that 'they don't understand that s#$t' or that they 'don't have time for that garbage'. It's always nice to have your carreer referred to in such a manner:)
I could probably gripe for days, but I'll save myself the embarrassment and get to a couple of ground rules that I've always wanted to put into a manual:
1. When the network is down, I DON'T GIVE A FLYING RATS ASS ABOUT CHANGING YOUR PRINT CARTRIDGES. LEAVE ME THE F#*K ALONE AND DIE!
2. Learn how to use your handheld/cell phone/MP3 player on your own. We don't support them. I don't care if your a director, partner or VP. Stop asking me to set it up for you, you're not even supposed to have it here. Read the employee handbook and STFU.
3. Putting the word 'help' in any part of your e-mail to the tech support group moves you to the bottom of the queue. If its in CAPS, bolded, contained in the subject line or followed by an exclamation point, you will be severely beaten.
4. Don't walk up to my desk. Read the policy and send an e-mail. You're not special unless your my boss. And if you're not my boss, you're the same as every other jackass so sit in your chair and SHUT UP!
5. Don't ask me to come to your home and fix your computer. Don't find my home number on the employee phone list and call me there. IT people also have lives, just like you-- amazing isn't it?
6. If I hear the 'you're the most important guy around here' from you, then you'd better treat me like it and never speak to me. I 0\/\/|\| YOU!
7. Do not ask me multiple times about your new pc/upgrade/order. I'll get to it. Perhaps you can scrape on by with the same equipment that you've been using for the PAST THREE F#$KING YEARS AND BE QUIETLY THANKFUL WHEN WHATEVER YOU ORDERED COMES IN. ARGHH!!!!

There's more, but I'm worried that I'll be banned if I keep on with the language. I just needed to gripe... So much anger... I think I need an admin's support group...

I think you need this. When I used to be admin, I actually printed this out and stuck it on my office door. People thought I was serious and reconsidered before they asked. :D

This is very funny:) Thanks! It'll be hanging on my board tomorrow;)

As a follow-up to the above, I should also say that my woman does understand and sympathize. It took three years, but she's with me now:) She keeps her family from calling with their pc problems. Definitely a keeper:)

Heheh I bet anyone would after reading that unless they knew that you were joking I am tempted to print it out and when someone asks me to help them with their computer I am going to show them this list and tell them that I accept cash or money orders and lunch :D

I recommend you go to the tech humor section and look for my Bastard admin from Michigan posts. They started a revolutiona nd another 4 other AO members started writing parts to them. Very cool I think. Also, search for BOFH, Youll love it ;) Also, dont worry about being banned, as long as you dont ask how to crack hotmail and yahoo, dont attack any members, and keep that home star runner icon, I'll back you up.

you think you got it bad - your PAID to do tech support I had to help out all the time at last job (including complete rdesign of part of system) and did I see any extra money for it....nope! yeah i got my basic hr wage but thats it :(
infact one of the add-ons i designed for system got banned as we managed to do 6hrs work in an hr - you would think that they would be exstatic that we have increased productivity so much....nope they were just worried that we wouldn't have enough work to go round >_<;

v_Ln

We've all been there, infernon! Thanks for posting that. Here are a couple more you can add to the list ( I noticed you didn't have 10, so I feel we must round this out ).

#. Yes, you are a {corporate VP/college administrator/university administrator}. That doesn't mean you have a right to be in my server room (messing with stuff/asking questions/bothering the techs}. In this room, I AM GOD and you must have {permission from me/an invitation from me/a note from your mommie countersigned by me} to enter.

#. Yes, we said {the network was down/internet access was interrupted/email was down} and would be out while we work on the repair (which will now take longer due to your interruption). Yes, that means _your_ {access to the network is down/internet access is interrupted/email is unavailable} until we get the repairs completed (which are now further delayed because of you).

You may (or not, at your discretion) add these to the list. I'm only offering two. Maybe some others can provide more.

MsMittens: I like your list. I'm going to print it out as well. I think the prices are a bit on the low side, though. <delete> I'll edit it.</delete> (Oops, now I see the copyright. I'll behave and print just as it is) :)

Well the list is from 2000. So inflation and all that should double the prices easily. :D

Oh.. and of course if you have the Certificate of BOFH, the prices are 4 times as much. :D