Very Close.

I have been on various anti-depressents for the past six months. (Not god for someone my age.) I was on Prozac for a while and it helped but I still felt this feeling, I can't elaborate on it. My parents have watched me very closely these past few months because I have a very severe case of depression. I basically stopped eating and have slowly worked my way back up from one meal a day to two. What almost got me was when my father died. It was so sudden. I talked to him on the telephone only the day before and he saod he was feeling fine fine just a little weak. The next day I was called out of class and was told my father's kidneys had failed and my mother was coming to pick me up and take me to Huntsville, Al to see him. When I got there it just didn't seem real. My dad was never able to talk to me because of the morphine in his system. He knew I was there because he squezzed my hand though (this meant so much). I had thoughts of suicide at this time. I didn't talk any and my eating habite went to hell. When it was all over a week later my girlfriend of 1 1/2 years broke up with me. This coupled with also finding out my mom and stepfather were getting a divorce made me hit rock bottom. I sat in the bathtub and stared at a razor for over an hour. I couldn't do it. I thought and thought. I figured it would hurt my friends and family more than it would help me. I sat my mom down after this and told her everything, she was devastated. I am now getting help from a psychologist and a psychiatrist and I am on Zoloft. I have turned everything around and found a my way to stay occupied and happy. Computers. I have never in my life read as much as I have in the past four days. It has helped and the response from AO has helped me feel like I really belong to something. I have also rejoined Scouts and have been working on my Eagle project ( I promised my dad I would get this). I just wanted to give everyone a little bit of a background on myself and to say a big thanks for all the help I have gotten for my questions.

You're very welcome, and Congratulations on your comeback.

I lost my father a year ago today...it was father's day last year. He suffered a heart attack as a complication after a brain tumor was removed. (Blood Clot went to his heart). My family was devastated...he was the backbone of my family financially and emotionally. My grades in college went to hell...and I was failing classes. I have thought of suicide myself, never been that close, but sometimes when I'm down...the brain can't help but wonder if it would actually be all better if I just ended it...

I'm not on any medication, nor have I ever talked to anyone about it...its not a problem for me...its just a random thought when **** is really going to hell. I'm a very cheerful person, have a GF of 2 years who makes every second of my life worth living...and continuing school in Computer Networking, hopefully one day get into Computer Forensics. Just changed school, starting out fresh...It was my father's dream that Both myself and my brother finish school. My brother is finishing up a Business Degree from Bentley College and he owns his own business already. I co-own with him an Internet Cafe and ATT wireless store. Working on opening a Computer Repair business for a while...make some money for school.

For all of you out there, who've gone through some tough **** and sometimes life feels like its not worth living...listen to me for one second please:

"There's always a new day ahead of us, full of opportunities and new beginnings. No matter how bad things get, just remember that tomorrow you get another chance in life, to make this right and make it to where you're headed. You have your whole life to fix your mistakes, or make up for something that you've missed."-Cybr1d, Klodian Vladasi.

I've always said that to myself whenever things were going bad, and it always helped me make it through my obstacles, giving me the chance to set things right. Nothing a good night's sleep cannot fix, waking up the next day with a refreshed mind. It will not bring back your loved ones, but it will help you cope with the loss a day at a time....


If I could share a story:

The christmass before my father passed away, I had bought him a pocked watch as a gift. When he passed away, my mother put it with him in the casket. A year later, my girlfriend buys me a watch similiar to that, engraved with the words "Memories last a Lifetime" on it. She also put a small picture of my father inside. I just couldn't hold back my tears when I saw it....

God I Love this woman...


Cybr1d.