Ramblings and an Idea.

I have been thinking and reading alot lately. As a kid sometimes life can really blow as many of you can attest. Computers are in many ways an escape for kids like me who long for acceptence and even power over something sometimes. I am not a script kiddie nor have I ever been one but I think I see why they do what they do sometimes. It's for attention and acceptence. I can think of many times I would have given anything for my father to pay attention to me and he did sometimes even though when I did get attention I was getting in trouble. They also seem to do it for attention, for someone to think they are something more than just a snot nosed kid even though their acts make them out to be more that than anyhing else. As I said in a previous post I thought about taking my life and came dangerously close to doing it, it is incredibly scary. I also have been thinking alot more about why we are here and why things go down the way they do. It seems as though there is no set path for anyone anymore. I was told by one of my friends a few weeks back that one of their friends shot themself. This solved nothing. I didn't even know the person but I felt like I had a bond with them somehow I also wish that I could have helped share the burden of their pain and maybe just maybe they would still be alive. I am 17 and just on the verge of becoming an adult and everyday it comes closer the more I worry if I will be a good enough person for the world and if when I am gone whether or not I have contributed something to someones life no matter how large or small it was. I also am fighting a deadline and trying to stand true to a promise I made. I have 4 months to finish my Eagle project and everday i put it off because I think to muuch of my father even though I promised him I would finish it before he died. I still feel that I let him down in that area. It is also sad to see how people react to certain things even though others are suffering. I work at a retail store and there is a little old man who comes every Sunday to get two candy bars. He is unable to wlk very well so we go out and get his money and give him the candy. The thing is there is a certain clerk that knows how he is and she still refuses to help she even made a comment on how she was tired and it wasn't worth her time. I wasn't working that day I just came in to see my schedule and I went out and got his money and when I gave him the candy he gave me a five dollar tip for doing that small favor for him. He said he was very thankful for me coming out and getting him his candy and thanked me for caring. If everyone could do one good thing for at least one person everyday it would be great don't you think? But there is a catch, this deed has to come at some sacrifice to yourself. Try it and if you do please post it.

As an adult sometimes life can really blow as many of us can attest. Computers are in many ways an escape for allot of us. dont be disillusioned by a heartless bastard i think you'll find the majority of people WILL help someone in need and the heartless will never give a ****. but the heartless are truly the minority.

here's my own rant that i preach to those i know. living in the metro area, if everyone gave two people a break a day...nothing major, just letting someone into traffic or such every day will be better than it is now. (for me i encounter the worst people of the day on the road)

I'm sure you'll make a fine adult, just don't turn into the "Travenator" a 36 year old boy I met in training at my job, who spent the days bragging about writing visual basic programs to harass and inconvenience yahoo messenger users. I have to fight the urge to kick his tiny ass everytime I see him. There is no such thing as growing up easily, just as long as you grow up and don't end up a 36 year old virgin living at the YMCA and driving a scooter to work in 30 degree weather.

i think just in general life can blow.... but that is why ppl find hobbies and take vacations -- i know personally, if something hurts (emotionally) when i am doing it, then why should i do it... Granted i don't give up on everything that hurts since sometimes the good out weighs the bad, but i think that is another part of growing up -- learning how to balance the **** with the good stuff

if you've tried to get help from almost everyone, try talking to the local pan-handler or the bum on the corner. it'll make you feel like your problems aren't all that bad. and then offer to buy them a big mac for their effort in listening to you. that'll make their day!

What are you going to do for your eagle project, don't be a pu$$Y finish it it goes well on a resamay? :thumbsup: I placed strategic garbage cans(25) on the beach paid for with my own money, had to start a turf war with the trash coming over state lines from pensacola trying to surf our jedi's and trashing our dunes while they were at it. I also set up wild life exhibits in the local state park helping my brother for his eagle Rep Trp49 beotch.

As for the deaths that's just a part of life, I used to throw down with folk back when whitecross was in. One of my best friends left his thoughts on his bedroom ceiling, another met the grill of a car on a foggy road riding a motorcycle at night he had no lights on, though he wasn't a good friend. Let's see another friend (eagle) ODed on EX at a party in NO,lousiana ect......

You just have to look at it like " tear in a bucket **** it" that's life.