almost School yard humor2

dont know how many people will get these but here goes for a blast from the past.....

What is yellow and dangerous?
Shark infested custard.

How do you know there is an elephant in your fridge?
you see his footprints in the butter.

How do you know there are two elephants in your fridge?
The bicycle parked outside has a bent cross bar.

How did the blonds neuron die?
Alone.

How do you get four elephants in a mini?
Two in the front and two in the back.

How does an elephant climb a tree?
He sits on an acorn and waits till it grows.

How does an elephant get down of a tree?
he sits on a leaf and waits till autum.

How do you get down off a horse?
You dont get down off a horse you get down off a duck.

From here on if you are easily offended don't read .................
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Little joe goes up to his mother and asks "mam do birds have t*ts?"
Mother looking shocked " No of course birds dont have T*ts. Where did you hear such shocking lanuage?"
" I heard dad telling the baby sitter that she had nicer t*ts than his bird."

A woman was sitting besides her husband who was on his death bed when he calls her closer.
"mary. I'm dying aren't I?"
"No dont be silly joe."
"I am, I can feel it. Before I go there are some things i need to tell you."
"Joe its allright you dont have to say any thing."
" I do.. I was unfaithfull to you. I had an affaire with you sister."
"Joe dont. Everyone can have a weakness once."
"No! their is more"
"joe .... you dont have to.
"But I must.There were others. You other sister when she came to stay for a couple of days and you best friend and you aunt and the neighbours wife and my secatry and ..."
" It alright Joe I know, I know, now lie back and let the poision take affect"

A young blond starts work in a small office and the two sales guys decide to toss a coin to see who should have first try with her. So after a week the first guy gets what he wants and his friend ask him how was she.
She was alright but not as good as my wife he answersed.
After an other week the second sales guy come in and same question. How was she?
And he answers "Your right she is not as good as your wife."

Two men sitting in the pub looking out the window when the first one turns around to the other one and says....
"you see those two beautifull looking women looking in the windows of the clothes shop?"
"yes" says he second.
"Well the one on the left is my wife and the one on the right is my mistress"
"Now that is a coinicidance because for me it is the other way around....."

Little joey is out walking with his father when he sees two dogs humping. He turns around to his father and asks what they are doing.
His father totaly flustered explains that the dog underneath doesnt want to go back to the kennel so the dog on top is try to push it to get it to go back.
So Joey stops and thinks about this for a couple of minutes and fianally says "well i am glad mama was holding on to hte sink yesterday."
His father askes him what he means.
" Well if she wasnt holding on to the sink the milkman would have pushed her rigth back to the dairy"