Linus is funny as hell

While killing boredom one little pill at a time, I found these funny as hell. Some aren't Linus and most are marked if they are not:

"If you've been pounding nails with your forehead for years, it may feel strange the first time somebody hands you a hammer. But that doesn't mean that you should strap the hammer to a headband just to give your skull that old familiar jolt." --Wayne Throop (throopw%[email protected])

"VMS is about as secure as a poodle encased in a block of lucite... about as useful, too." [email protected]

Heh, him on SCO:

"If Darl McBride was in charge, he'd probably make marriage unconstitutional too, since clearly it de-emphasizes the commercial nature of normal human interaction, and probably is a major impediment to the commercial growth of prostitution"

"They are smoking crack."

"A lot of people still like Solaris, but I'm in active competition with them, and so I hope they die." (February 1, 2005)

"Modern PCs are horrible. ACPI is a complete design disaster in every way. But we're kind of stuck with it. If any Intel people are listening to this and you had anything to do with ACPI, shoot yourself now, before you reproduce." (2003)

* Source: Transcript of the Q&A portion of Linus' talk on 2003 Linux Lunacy cruise

"I allege that SCO is full of it." (2003)

"Your job is being a professor and researcher: That's one hell of a good excuse for some of the brain-damages of Minix." (1992)

The two main design principles of the NeXT machine appear to be revenge and spite. (Don Lancaster)

I've noticed lately that the paranoid fear of computers becoming intelligent and taking over the world has almost entirely disappeared from the common culture. Near as I can tell, this coincides with the release of MS-DOS. (Larry DeLuca)

Develop for it? I’ll piss on it. [the NeXT Computer] (Bill Gates)

The purpose of the icons, the purpose of the entire OS X look and feel, is to keep the customer happy during that critical period between the time of sale and the time the check clears. (Bruce Tognazini)

Linux is just a file system and a file manager. (Steve Ballmer)

It's not the technology, folks, it's the people. When we trace [the errors] back, it's always human error. (Bob Herbold of Microsoft)

It used to be said that AIX looks like one space alien discovered Unix, and described it to another different space alien who then implemented AIX. But their universal translators were broken and they'd had to gesture a lot. (Paul Tomblin)

Applicants must also have extensive knowledge of UNIX, although they should have sufficiently good programming taste to not consider this an achievement. (MIT job advertisement)

As it exists, the Finder is simply a very fast file clerk with the IQ of a turnip. (Don Crabb)

OS is a truly remarkable operating system. It's possible to destroy days of work with a single misplaced space, so alertness in the programming staff is encouraged. The best way to approach the system is through a keypunch. Some people claim there is a Time Sharing system that runs on OS/370, but after careful study I have come to the conclusion that they were mistaken. (Ed Post)

Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). (Bill Joy in 1985)

Anyone who has attended a USENIX conference in a fancy hotel can tell you that a sentence like "You're one of those computer people, aren't you?" is roughly equivalent to "Look, another amazingly mobile form of slime mold!" in the mouth of a hotel cocktail waitress. (Elizabeth Zwicky)

Saying that XP is the most stable MS OS is like saying that asparagus is the most articulate vegetable. (Dave Barry)Saying that XP is the most stable MS OS is like saying that asparagus is the most articulate vegetable. (Dave Barry)

While programs written for Sun machines won't run unmodified on Intel-based computers, Sun said the two packages will be completely compatible and that software companies can convert a program from one system to the other through a fairly straightforward and automated process known as recompiling. (San Jose Mercury News)

Mosaic is the 1990s equivalent of forcing friends to sit through slides of your trip to Florida - painful for everyone but the host.(Steve Steinberg)

Of course, Linus didn't sit down in a vacuum and suddenly type in the Linux source code.... He had my book.... But the code was his. The proof of this is that he messed the design up. (Andrew Tanenbaum)

Ninety percent of computer users use DOS. I'd rather tell them to do drugs. (Scott McNealy)

We just don't think a Linux partition on a mainframe makes a lot of sense. It's kind of like having a trailer park in the back of your estate. (Scott McNealy)

Dogbert: I'm going back to my old job as a network systems administrator.
Dilbert: Why?
Dogbert: I'm attracted by the potential for reckless abuse of power.

Scott Adams

``An unforseen issue has arisen with your computer. Don't worry your silly little head about what has gone wrong; here's a pretty animation of a paperclip to look at instead.'' -- Windows2007 error message

``I entered the office and tossed my hat at the coat rack. It missed, hit the heater, and instantly burst into flames. That reminded me: I had some work to do in Windows.'' -- Lincoln Spector "The Maltese Penguin"

``Oooh, YAH! I'm so good I constantly amaze myself. And modest, too.'' -- Linus Torvalds

43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
Segmentation violation -- Core dumped

``You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.'' -- Dean Martin

``Bill Gates, brilliant? Really? Uh-huh [Ellison laughs for several seconds].'' -- Oracle CEO Larry Ellison, interviewed in Forbes ASAP

Erotic (adj): using a feather as a sex aid.
Kinky (adj): using the whole duck.

"Intelligence is the ability to avoid doing work, yet getting the work done"