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Sorry I couldn't resist.
The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of dicks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.
Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!
Well that clearly explains the House's efforts to quickly pass "The Condom Protection Act"! If approved, this act will provide multi-fiscal year funding for a sub-committee to monitor for any flaccidness, to provide for adequate growth within, and establish a contingency plan in the event of a catastrophic failure. Opponents to the act insist that it contains too much pork to handle and are unsure if the current regime can put it to proper use.
;)