UnderStanding Engineers.

Understanding Engineers - Take One

Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one
said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding
my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to
the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn't have fitted you anyway."

Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - Take Three.

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting
for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with
him."
He said, "Hello, George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us?
They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer For
them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - Take Six

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features
yet.

Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
said," If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it
to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a Princess,
I'll stay with you for one week and do ANYTHING you want."

Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into
his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful
princess, and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you
want.
Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."

Hmmmmm.............

There was an electrical engineer, a "lady of negotiable virtue" and a network administrator drinking together in this bar...........

Somehow the conversation got onto the "oldest profession"

The "lady of negotiable virtue" said "well it has to be mine; everyone knows that"

The electrical engineer said "not quite my dear, just read the book of Genesis...........God said: 'let there be light'........... so it is my profession"

The network administrator said: "you're both wrong........... Genesis says 'in the beginning there was chaos'.......... now who the hell do you think gave you that?"

:cool:

What is an Elephant?

A mouse built to US Government specifications.

Conventional wisdom said:

Engineers prefer beer;
And they play chess as they assimilate the bottle contents.

I posted this before..........but heres a refresher




For those of you who know engineers, are engineers, or ought to be
engineers.

Q: When does a person decide to become an engineer?
A: When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to be an undertaker.

Q: What do engineers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

Q: How can you tell an extroverted engineer?
A: When he talks to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.

Q: Why did the engineers cross the road?
A: Because they looked in the file, and that's what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive an engineer completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him, and fold up a road map
the wrong way.


You might be an engineer if:

You take a cruise so you can go on a personal tour of the engine room.

In university, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.

The salespeople at the local computer store can't answer any of your
questions.

At an air show, you know how fast the skydivers are falling.

You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.

You can type 70 words per minute but you can't read your own
handwriting.

You sit backwards on Disney rides so you can see how they do the special
effects.

You have saved every power cord from all your broken appliances.


You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

You know what <<<< < <http://> http:// < <http://> http://> >
<http://> http:// < <http://> http://> >>>>stands for.

You look forward to Christmas so you can put together the kids toys.

You see a good design, and have to change it.

You still own a slide rule and know how to use it.

You think that people yawning around you are sleep deprived.

You window shop at Radio Shack.

Your laptop computer cost more than your car.

You've already calculated how much you make per second.

You've tried to repair a $5 radio.



Why engineers do not write recipe books...

Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an
overall heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add
ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation.

In a second 2-L reactor vessel with a radial flow impeller
operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until
the mixture is homogeneous.

To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal
volumes of the homogeneous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add
ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must be
taken at this point in the

reaction to control any temperature rise that may be the result
of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the
mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven
for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank &Johnston's first
order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown.

Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C
heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.

MLF

ill betcha that the cookies would taste much better if an engineer made them though :)