The Myth of Mercy Killing

Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I posted this article to view the type of responses it would get. My mother has fought with cancer since I was a little girl. I had no father around, and was raised by my grandparents. I grew up quickly with the reality of things, my mother was sure to let me know everything that was going on, I always interacted with doctors, I learned medicine from living in hospitals while she was being cared for. My whole life, I've seen her grow weaker and weaker, but her mind was so strong and determined, I'm sure that's where I got my strength from. But things have changed recently. Her body over the years has been destroyed by the radiation therapy, and the mind that was once so strong, is weak and accepts its fate.

We have so many discussions now. Discussions about dying. She's always said if assisted suicide was legal, she would do it to die with the dignity of not ever having to be put on machines to help her to breathe, or coughing up blood until her last moments. It's not about the dignity of being in control but the dignity to die without your total body being a ball of mush and completely falling apart.

I have accepted her wishes, although I don't want her to go. She's on DNR orders, meaning they can not resuscitate her or put her on breathing machines to sustain life. I know when the time comes, I will want her to be put on those machines, I will want her to live longer. She is my mother and I love her to pieces, but at the same time, I can't bear to watch her suffer any longer. I've seen the machines, I've seen her being revived...I've seen the pained look in her face, the fear...It's the most horrible feeling in the world besides dealing with what she has to.

Thank you to everyone who posted to this thread, gave me more things to think about. I appreciate it greatly.

I'mma have to go with JP on this, with some exceptions, and also the Goddess. To the greekgoddess I say, I feel really bad, you made me sad with your last post, all teary and stuff, but you said that she has been battling with cancer since you were a child. Not to belittle your experience, but I'm glad that you've gotten to have the pleasure of her company this long, and I'm glad she's had the strength to bless you with it.

To JP I say, I don't necessarily believe in god either, but we got here somewhere. I have a more existentialist point of view, god may have existed, and may still exist, but if he/she has/does live in world omnipotent to our own we have been forsaken. The decisions are ultimatley up to US, ourselves, our own individual beings making the choice to live or to die.
I've also spent tme in some nursing homes on a voluntary basis, and I've also spoken with a couple of freinds before they commited suicide. . .the choice is the same, ill and feeble or not, and it is one of the most difficult and human question to confront yourself with. . .but one could argue that it is also one of the most elightening experiences that a person will submit themselves to.

this thread is very upsetting to me. Both my mother and my father died of cancer. My father cryed till the day he died for puting my mother in the hospital and extending her suffering(uterine cancer).
He died of cancer of the nervous system, a condition the doctor discribed as being skinned alive. He stayed at home threw the whole thing, so as not to extend it near the end he begged me to kill him. i couldn't/wouldnt do it.

We are entitled to make this decision for ourselves, to die that is, no one has the right to make it for us.

It's all about perspective, what you've experienced in your life that determines your point of view on things. My best friend had an abortion, at the time, I was around 15, her being the same. I was angry at her for what she had done. I thought at the time it was so wrong that she could kill her own child. She had made a mistake, but she decided not to deal with it. But I was there with her afterwards, and she would cry and cry, celebrate her child's birthdays in private, and I knew she would punish herself for the rest of her life for it. I didn't try to think of how she felt when I first looked at the situation. I wasn't the one walking though school being thought of as a whore because I thought I was in love with some guy would talked me into sleeping with me, got me pregnant, and didn't want anything to do with me. I didn't have to perspective of wondering if my parents were going to kill me, having to make a choice to kill my baby, or to give up everything in life I had ever wanted to do.

Now, I have that perspective, I'm older, and I look at things differently. I can sit here and say whatever I want, but if I've never experienced it, it's a whole different story. She grew up to have two beautiful children, and it tortures her every day of her life that she chose not to let her third, never-known child live, but at the same time she relishes and cherishes the two children she has now, more so than I think she would of had she never experienced what she did.

I'm not exactly pro-choice, but I'm not exactly against abortion completely. Everyone has their own catalysts for their own decisions. It's not fair for me to judge, it's not fair for me to say to someone...you can't do this because it's wrong, because it may not be wrong to them...they view it differently, and unless you see through their eyes, you don't understand. I was once posed a question in response to the whole abortion issue in one of my psychology classes in college... "Name one unselfish reason to have a baby..."

Back to the topic... (I know, I babble a lot in Cosmos, I can't help it) my mother is religious, not in the sense where she goes to church, she just believes. I don't, but I admire her beliefs, that she truly believes them, and I sometimes wish I wasn't so critical of things like that and just believe, but I question so much. I figure that I'll accept some form of religion when I'm older. She doesn't believe that it's wrong and that God will send her to hell because she doesn't want to deal with the pain anymore. That's probably the most controversial part of this whole topic....She's never had a 'normal' life, she's been ill since being a child herself, I was the result of the only relationship she ever had, the guy leaving because he couldn't deal with her being ill, and the work it entailed. She's dealt with physical and emotional pain her whole life, the past 10 years being the worst. Doctors said she wouldn't live several times. They've given her 24 hour time limits. To me, she is one walking miracle. It's all about her will. But now, as I said before, her will is growing weak, she's not afraid to die, and now she's embracing it, signing the DNR orders. I am her power of attorney, and this is hard as hell.

Two months ago, I got a call from the hospital. (For starters, she lives in a special community, semi-assisted, aids all of the time, completely paid for by social security and medicaid, it has been great for her, she has friends with similar problems, and it's completely handicapped based.) Anyway, she was found outside by the paperboy at 4 am and he called the paramedics. Apparently, since this story was never fully pieced together, she had a small heart-attack, got disoriented while letting the dog out the back door, and fell out of her wheelchair and attempted to crawl completely around the whole entire building, eventually passing out from exhaustion and exposure, since it was very cold, and she was wearing bedclothes.

When I arrived at the hospital, she was dispondent, and when she is dispondent, I make all decisions. (I HATE IT!!! I don't feel responsible enough to make life decisions for other people, even if it's my mom, who I know the best other than anyone else in this world.) They wanted to put her on a respirator after 3 days of difficult breathing, everything had to be assured that this wasn't to prolongue death, but to help 'assist her' in breathing. So she was put on the respirator, since it was aiding her and not doing it FOR her.

A time is going to come eventually, when there is a respirator or something similar and it's not aiding her anymore, but doing it for her...and I am going to have to respect her wishes to have it pulled. How is this any different than assisted suicide? That's what I really want to know. It will keep her alive, there may be some slim chance for recovery, who's to know. I'm still a pre-med student, I don't know enough, although I am very educated on her diseases, medical procedures, etc.. It's been so damn hard for me the past few months, trying to think of what happens when the time comes.

I want to know from preacherman481 what is God's point of view on this?
And from the rest...if this was you, what would you be thinking, etc?

She has been hospitalized twice since the first incident two months ago. Similar reasons, one of them was she took an extra morphine, out in the sun too long and got confused. She refuses to give up her independence to even go into assisted living, or to live with me. She will lose her benefits if she lives with me, and my income could not afford her the tons of medication she takes.

Please, I'm in need of more input.

I don't pray, or I would for you and your mother (instead I'll think happy thoughts for you), but. . .sometimes, the only thing that can keep a person going, is to think that there really is an afterlife, whether it be heaven, rebirth, or the Elutian Fields, and that there really is a point to any sufferinga person has to go through in this life. I'm not relligous, and my beliefs are far and in between, but I like to think that all the people that have gone before me are happier where they are.

I feel this is a very personal issue and not one I feel qualified to speak on but I have seen death in my immediate and extended family and have felt the pain.

My father died a few years ago at a relatively young age of 62, it was very sudden and totally unexpected for us - the loss left me somewhat gutted but from which I have recovered and drawn strength. It came to pass that dad had knowledge of his illness but chose not to do anything about it and let nature take its course, a personal decision and one that I am not angry at him for taking. It must have taken courage not to alert his family and cause concern and worry - although some may view this as selfish, I can not. He was an ex-serviceman, had travelled the world and had a full, albeit, relatively short life. He was a kind and gentle man of few, but always very wise, words and this I miss immensely.

My wife recently lost her father to a prolonged illness, and to watch the suffering of both him, my wife and family I believe I was the lucky one - he suffered alzheimers disease and was not in any condition to make decisions in the end. The family consented to DNR orders in the end and nature eventually took its course. His dying process took 3 long horrible years. The converstaion of euthanasia was never discussed but towards the end the DNR was. He did express his wishes to his family in the early days that he did not want to end the way he did, but coming from a very religious family, assisted suicide was never an option and the DNR was a very difficult thing for them to come to terms with.

Personally for myself, I would not be able to make a decision in regards to assisted suicide, euthanasia unless I faced that problem personally and it was me that the decision was going to directly effect - i.e my own life. I would not pass judgement upon any others who are facing this issue but would support them in anyway possible regardless to the decision they took.

Greek Goddess, my thoughts are with you and your mother and I hope you find the answers and support that you both need at this time.

When I arrived at the hospital, she was dispondent, and when she is dispondent, I make all decisions. (I HATE IT!!! I don't feel responsible enough to make life decisions for other people, even if it's my mom, who I know the best other than anyone else in this world.)

After reading this post,i know you can cause you ve grown!!! My girl-frend asked me to do the same .

The first thing that came in my mind was.......I can t do this!
But in time after a lot of talking i decided for my self........I can do this cause i love her so much!!!

And so you can!!!

Lot s of strenght!

She has been hospitalized twice since the first incident two months ago. Similar reasons, one of them was she took an extra morphine, out in the sun too long and got confused. She refuses to give up her independence to even go into assisted living, or to live with me. She will lose her benefits if she lives with me, and my income could not afford her the tons of medication she takes.

Please, I'm in need of more input. [/B][/QUOTE]

When thats her wish so be it and don t feel bad about it!
Living with you won t make it easy for her infact harder cause everything you do to help her,she will think.......this is not the life i want for my daughter.[being medic 24/7]

I know it s very hard for you!

So the best thing you can do[and maybe the hardest thing to do is make some fun with her and show her you ve grown]