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The sh*t list...
Sometimes when **** happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a ****. Here are some **** definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...
Ghost ****:
You know you've ****. There's **** on the toilet paper, but no **** in the bowl.
Teflon Coated ****:
Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of **** on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!
Gooey ****:
This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This **** leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.
Second Thought ****:
You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.
Pop a Vein in Your Forehead ****:
This kind is the kind of **** that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.
Bali Belly ****:
You **** so much you lose 5 kilos.
Right Now ****:
You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.
King Kong or Commode Choker ****:
This **** is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of **** usually happens at someone else's house.
Wet Cheeks ****:
This **** hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.
Wish ****:
You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no ****!
Cement Block or Oh God ****:
You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you ****.
Snake ****:
This **** is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.
Cork **** (Also Known as Floater ****):
Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This **** usually happens at someone else's house.
Mexican Food **** (also called Screamers):
You'll know it's alright to eat again when your ******* stops burning.
Beer Drunk ****:
This happens the day after the night before. Normally your **** doesn't smell too bad, but this **** is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of **** also usually happens at someone else's house.
The Frightened Turtle:
The kind of **** that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in
The Bungee ****:
The kind of **** that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.
The Ring of Fire ****:
The kind of **** where you eat really spicy food and your ******* feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.
The Crippler:
The kind of **** where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.
The Big Bobber:
The kind of **** that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.
The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang:
The kind of **** that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.
The Incredible Hulk ****:
The king of **** that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.
The Jack the Ripper ****:
The kind of **** that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.
The Party Pooper:
The giant **** you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.
The Toxic Gas ****:
The kind of **** that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
Dirty Bowl ****:
The kind of **** that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
The Windy City ****:
When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a ****.
Oh ****! ****:
You **** so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH ****!
The Never Ending ****:
It's the **** that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more **** runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.
Ouch That Hurt ****:
The type of **** that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.
System_0verload
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you forgot one, it is called Gay ****
btw Gay **** = JP and his suck buddies in the irc chat....
Hey JP **** you!
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wow that took talent now didnt you. I hope you feel better as youve proven to all of us you are mature and collected. Nice post. :P next time at least hide that.
Grow up. :rolls eyes - negs for you.
On the other hand, FUNNY post System, so greenies for you. :)
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avenger i will tell you why i posted that, ok?
That is the only negative thing i have ever posted here or said in the irc channel...
I went into the irc channel today to ask how much space to reserver for my linux partion, no big deal...
I enter the channel and first thing...
JP: hey you!
ME: Me?
JP: Ya you, have you donated?
ME: No..
JP: Donate or be banned!
ME: Kinda hard when i dont have a job or banking account.
JP: **** everyone can donate a dollar or two...
ME: Not when they dont have the money?
Then someone answers my question.... Thanks Anthony!
Then i got booted by one of his suckholes, with the messages SHUT UP!
auto reconnect...
Then JP boots me with the message that the lost op had it wrong, it is SHUT UP AND **** OFF!!!
So i left, not having done a thing, and not having insulted anyone??? That is why i am a little pissy towards him, we(the members) keep his site alive, so why talk to me or any other member of the site in that manner?
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then the place for that is with JP and in private. Publically bashing him does not make it any better. If he was wrong to say it, so be it. let it go, address it with him, or whatever, but you shouldnt drag it into the forums.
Avenger
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Okay everyone...you all know I don't flame...but here goes.
UTXtreme...exactly how do you support this site? You already said you don't have money, so I assume it isn't financially. You've made a grand total of 9 posts, three of which I'm aware of you have expressed your unhappiness with JP. So I don't see any real big support coming from you, and I also assume you won't be donating to charity at this site.
You waste your time and ours. Go away.
System_Overload: No flames for you, but the post should have been hidden.
Deb :D
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UTXtreme... Well I guess your just a little boy... Go cry in a corner and tell your mommy that that bad man JP kicked you off of HIS site. If your gunna go into IRC then you better have a thick skin, or you will be eatin alive. I assume your 12 years old and still run to mommy and daddy when you have to go to the bathroom or when you get beat up by the school bully, so knowing this I will no longer bash you.
BTW: Welcome to AO. There's the door over there. ---------------------------> Bye..
BTW Sytem_overlord.. Thats awesome man.. You get greenies from me... I'm sorry I had to throw a flame out on your post.. But some things have to be taken care of. Forgive me.
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Debwalin do you know anything about the web? Internet sites, their bandwith, and server expenses are paid mostly paid for with advertisements on the site. You do not get advertisements if you dont have people to come to your site, no company will pay to put advertisements where noone will see them! If you run off all your members the the companies pull their ads and the site is ****ed! I have 8 posts because i just browse, only replying when i can help someone, except in this post because JP is a major dick!
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BTW: UTXtreme... The money he was asking for was for a ****ing charity you ass!
Pardon my french
You *****
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Xmadness who said anything about that, I SAID the advertisements pay for this site, without traffic = no advertisements, i cant donate to a charity if i dont have the money???
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Hmmm!
WOW....If that were only true. NO F**KING ORGANIZATION CAN SURRIVE ON ADVERTISEMENT ALONE. You got expense, you got to pay rent, keep the server up and running, etc. If it were that easy, wouldn't you think I would have banner ads all over my f**king site.
Besides, he asking for donation to a chartiable organization, NOT HIS own pockets.
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I think you people are getting the wrong impression, i know he was asking for donations for charity, ok? When i told him i didnt have money he got pissed and i was booted, i replied basiclly to vent my anger and Deb start getting pissy i didnt matter. I said that it takes members to keep the site running, lot of members = paying advertisements, withhout a lot of traffic there would not be any companies paying to keep the site up. The irc donation discussion and the advertisement money is two seperate issues, that means no link exist, is that clear enough? This site, while maybe not totally paid for by ads would go down within two months without 3rd part contributions through ads on this site!
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UTXtreme.. Give it up for the day. Some people are really pissed at you.. Notice all the negative points your getting.. You have made a total of 13 posts and your already headed down the tubes.. I suggest you just give up the arguments.. and drop this subject.. This will be my last post about this and i suggest that be your last post about it also. Lets just drop it.
Once again I'm sorry that this very funny post went sour..
BTW: I'm still laughing @
The kind of **** that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.
ROFLMFAO
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Hrm...at first you posted to vent. Then you continued posting on the subject. And you included all of the irc regulars in your venting. Yall need to calm down....damn. Someone is a jerk to you in irc....so what? Get over it. Maybe there was a misunderstanding, maybe there wasn't. It's not important enough to really take it personally. bleh ( I guess what I'm trying to say is quit yer bitchin).
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I never knew **** could be so interesting. Wow!
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Come on, give the guy a break, he's new, he isn't used to the regime with fasictic tendecies from time to time (you got to give him that), and besides, I think he has a point - he just vents it wrong. I personaly hate it some of the threads dissapear, and I don't really like some of the policies that are used on the site, but then again, this is JP's site, and he run it however he wishes. He already gave us lot's of opportunity to interact and suggest improvements, and all in, I'm a happy user of the site.
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yeah mon.. some good **** in here..
UTXtreme.. it is my suggestion that you take what ever money you use for your
internet connection.. and donate that money.. then everyone ('cept you) will be
happy.
i was just wondering if this UTXtreme guy could be the banned focmeister trying to vent.
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Quote:
Originally posted here by UTXtreme
I said that it takes members to keep the site running, lot of members = paying advertisements, withhout a lot of traffic there would not be any companies paying to keep the site up. This site, while maybe not totally paid for by ads would go down within two months without 3rd part contributions through ads on this site!
And you are who? You support what? Aw did the poor baby get it's feelings hurt. Well grow up, this is the big wide world and things don't always go your way. People have pissy days and thats their right to do so. Don't be so offended and such a smart ass. When you turn 10 come back and show some intelligence. So in your spare time go tell anyone with a disability that you don't give a rats ass if it makes you feel like a big man. I do my share of flames, but I usualy tend to restrain myself from using profanity. Not in this case. I'm going to tell you what it's like. Here it is.
**** OFF AND LEAVE *******..................................................... :verypisse: :fu:
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... so far for 'giving the guy a break' ...
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UTXtreme
So you got booted from an IRC chat. Sniff, sniff. Get over it. I know I have.
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hey...cool sh*t.
I thought it may be appropriate to offer this link The word sh*t as one related to the topic at hand.
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Darn I seem to have left a **** out.....
The UTXtreme ****:
This is the lame type of **** that likes to stick to your *******, and every time you flush this little **** some how it keeps comming back...
Thanks for adding your stupid ass reply to my thread you wanker.......
System_0verload
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I wasnt in the chat when JP did this, it doesnt really sound like him but hey if he did then he did.....
but dont post stuff like this on the forum cus well this discussion had nothing to do w. JP
EDIT: BTW posative antipoints for you SO, that was funny :)
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S_0.. you'd better change that advatar... JP ain't too happy ..
(i found it funny however)
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I had a feeling JP would not like my new avatar *lol*
Im going to pm him now and ask if I can keep it..... I think it cool and funny.....
System_0verload
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naw, buddy.. a pm ain't gonna do it.. a 1000 dollar donation might..
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Avatar changed..... I don't want to get banned or anything.......
System_0verload
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hahaha funny sh*t... hahaha but ermm a bit eewwww! thank god i just finished breakfast b4 i went on my computer..
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Who cares?
If I wanted to read about sh*t I would of read the manual for Micro$oft ME.
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UTXtreme this is only the second post i have ever read that you have replied in and the first i hit u with negs for - this post is no different! If you have a prob with JP pm him about it don't
"wash your dirty laundry in public" ;)
plus I don't think that the way you talk about/to other members here who are by far your senior in status/respect & above all inteligence is appropriate
(/me winks at Debs......who could i have meant lol)
so either adjust your attitude and your IQ or get out
/me walks away shaking head *thinks someone has DoS'd UTXtreme's brain, everytime he sends a request to it all he gets is a 404 error*
v_Ln
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A really, really funny post turned to sh*t by some little minded person who responded to a thread in which had no relevance whatsoever to the subject at hand.
UTXtreme, if you cannot handle something JP said to you, then do not rant it to us. You need to address the situation to him. Everybody has opinions about JP good and bad, but the bottom line is, this is JP's site. Nuff said.
BTW... greenies to the original post :D
