Asshole.

For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to
take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out
on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to
make. I found the number, and dialled it. A man answered saying, "Hello?"

I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin, could I please speak with Robin
Carter?"

Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone
could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I
had transposed the last two digits of her phone number).

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When
the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an *******!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down, with the word '*******' next to it, and put it in
my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd
call him. He'd answer and I'd yell, "You're an *******!" It always cheered
me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic '*******' calling
would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're
familiar with the caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone
down.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an *******!"

So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some boy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently
waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot.
The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I
wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first ******* (I had his
number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW *******, too. I
dialled and someone said, "Hello?"

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" "Yes it is."
"Can you tell me where I can see it?"
"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house and the car's
parked right out front."
"What's your name?" I asked. "My name is Don Hansen," he said.
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an *******!"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two *******s to call. But after several
months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. So, I came
up with an idea: I called ******* #1:

"Hello"
"You're an *******!" (but I didn't hang up)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed. "Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"*******, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house with my black
Beemer out front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying
your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, *******."

Then I called ******* # 2:
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello *******," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, *******, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."


Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police saying that I lived at
1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on West 34th
Street. I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St.

There, I saw two *******s beating the crap out of each other in front of 6
squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.

Now, I feel better.

Have a great day.

This is weird... Something like this happens.... Btw I skimmed through your posts and wanted to know why ya got two neg dots?

well that is some pretty funky stuff man, that could probably land you a spot in jail :D

Um... Shake, I've heard this before. It's a joke.

Where do you get this stuff?
:cool:

ya anyone who reads that would know it is a joke or the guy is just a liar, i dont like to call people out on forums so i just go along with it, i always like to see if they will take it further :)

ok.. this is a good joke.. but pieces are missing..
and i'll tell ya.. i'd love to pull this one off some day..
all i need is to find two *******s who deserve it.

here is what i think is the full joke..

Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Patrick Jones and could I please speak to Robin Carter?" Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldnt believe that anyone could be that rude. I tracked down Robins correct number and called her. She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I decided to call it again.
When the same person once more answered, I yelled "Youre a jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word "jackass," and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day, Id call him up. Hed answer, and Id yell, "Youre a jackass!" It would always cheer me up.

Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID. This was a real disappointment for me, I would have to stop calling the jackass. Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice, "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the telephone company and Im just calling to see if youre familiar with our caller ID program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "Thats because youre a jackass!"

( keep reading it gets much better!! )

This old lady at the mall really took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didnt think she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she started to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, shes finally leaving. All of a sudden this black Camaro come flying up the parking isle in the wrong direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and yelling, "You cant just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy climbed out of his Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didnt even hear me. I thought to myself, this guys a jackass, there sure a lot of jackasses in this world. I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I wrote down the number. Then I hunted for another place to park.
A couple of days later, Im at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the phone after calling 555-5555 and yelling, "Youre jackass!" (Its really easy to call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought Id better call this guy, too.
After a couple rings someone answered the phone and said, "Hello."I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?" Yes, it is." "Can you tell me where I can see it?" "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. Its a yellow house and the cars parked right out front." I said, "Whats your name?" "My name is Don Hansen." "Whens a good time to catch you, Don?" "Im home in the evenings." "Listen Don, can I tell you something?" "Yes," "Don, youre a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
After I hung up I added Don Hansens number to my speed dialer. For a while things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had two jackasses to call. Then, after several months of calling the jackasses and hanging up on them, it just wasnt as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:
First, I had my phone dial Jackass #1. A man answered nicely saying, "Hello." I yelled "Youre a jackass!", but I didnt hang up. The jackass said, "Are you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop calling me." I said, "No." He said, "Whats your name, Pal?" I said, "Don Hansen." He said "Where do you live?" "1802 West 34th Street. Its a yellow house and my black Camaros parked out front." "Im coming over right now, Don. Youd better start saying your prayers." "Yeah, like Im really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up. Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello, Jackass!" He said, "If I ever find out who you are..." Youll what?" "Ill kick your butt." "Well, heres your chance. Im coming over right now Jackass!" And I hung up.
Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he got home.

Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going on down W. 34th Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street to watch the whole thing.
Glorious!
Watching two Jackasses kicking the crap out of each other in front of 6 squad cars and a police helicopter was one of the greatest experiences of my life! Name withheld to protect the guilty.

Who cares if its a joke or not, its still funny as hell.

Eating_Scarlett: gawd damnit it's been to long. You visit often enough anymore. For shame indeed. How ya been? Not up to your normal level of mischief I see. Well I happend to see your post and thought I'd drop a hello since my eyes are no longer graced with your words of wisdom on a daily / weekly basis anymore.

Take care!

yours truly,
Quad

Good stuff.... I have seen this before as well.... *Funny*


System_0verload

It is funny but I didn't guess it was a joke! Shame on me!

lol :) u know i would love to do something like that on a sh*tty day haha

peace

Yeah, I got this joke in e-mail a while back but lost it... still funny as hell though!

it's definately a joke, go to www.funny.com and do a search :-) but still hilarious!!

Sweet!

O.M.G....
I nearly fell of my chair when i seen the name "Eating Scarlet".
As Quad says..Is nice to see you posting some creative writing instead of the low life words you used to preach!

Are you back looking for LOVE in all the wrong places??
the reason "Scarlet" has many bad points is she was not takin to nicely back when the board was created..and the board before that!!

Cool ..Now i got a person to give my anti points too...Just for FUN!!

I thought it was real up to the part about the news and the cops...the entire time I'm thinking geez, I only need one more ******* on my list =)

Great joke =)

Rofl,this is as funny as hell:D.But I have to say you are an *******:p.




-Sh4d0wX

Quote:

---

Originally posted here by Quad
Eating_Scarlett: gawd damnit it's been to long. You visit often enough anymore. For shame indeed. How ya been? Not up to your normal level of mischief I see. Well I happend to see your post and thought I'd drop a hello since my eyes are no longer graced with your words of wisdom on a daily / weekly basis anymore.

Take care!

yours truly,
Quad

---

Miss me?


I knew you would:)

its a joke but .. mmm mmm ... mm .. mm.. a modified version.. hehehehe...


but anyway.. i enjoyed..

Yeh, I had a quiet chuckle....

A bit like : "Dad what is the differance between Anger and exaspiration?"
Well son let me show you.. He picks up the phone and dials a number..
the phone answers, "Is Bert Zinger there?"
"there is no one here by that name" is the reply, the father hangs up
the son is puzzled..
the father dials again.. it answers..
"Is Bert Zinger there please.."
"There is no one here by that name..OK!" was the reply
the son is clearly puzzeled as the father picks up the phone again.. and dials
it answers.. an angry voice starts "HELLO !!"
"Is Bert Zinger There" starts the father..
"There is NO bloody Bert F**K**g Zinger here and if you ring again I'll knock yer teeth out" and slamms the phone down..
The father looks at his son.. "Now that was anger", he picks up the phone one more time " And son this is an example of exaspiration".. dials the number..
It answers " YES, F*&%^#G HELLO"
"Hi This is Bert Zinger.. Any messages for me?"
The line goes Quiet....


Cheers U02

LMAO! You deserve some greenies for that!

That wasn't funny at all. **bitchslap**

**Ouch**


lol