Funny list of man things...
Just as a note to all of you who hate to read funny threads, this is one so I'm warning you. My friend emailed me so I can't cite the exact source, but I think it's funny anyway so I'm bringing it to you all.
22 Lessons for Women by Men!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
2. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
3. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
4. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
5. Crying is blackmail.
6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work.
Strong hints do not work.
Obvious hints do not work.
Just say it!
7. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
8. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
9. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
10. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
11. Check your oil! . Please.
12. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
13. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
14. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
15. Let us ogle (and maybe I shouldn't say this online, but Ogle is my last name, hehe, which I think it neat. I never see the word used. -jehnx). We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
16. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
17. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it.
18. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
19. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
20. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
21. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
22. I'm in shape. - ROUND is a shape.
Since we're on the topic...
25. The Rosie O'Donnell Show is approximately one hour long. Depending on the time of day it comes on where you live, this would be the perfect time to mow the lawn, weed the garden, tinker with the car, or any of the 20 other things we have to constantly remind you to do.
24. A Barbecue outside on the patio does not constitute a fine dinner out. (Citronella Candles do NOT set a romantic mood, either)
23. Dress to impress once in awhile. You never know, you may actually like all the other women ogling you from afar.
22. Go on, admit it. You secretly like us calling you at work.
21. Shorts and black socks with sandals is NOT sexy.
20. While we all should be in the spirit of recycling, shouldn't you give up wearing the "ripped to shreads" underwear, even if all the holes are worn just so?
19. We already know what you are thinking. Sometimes we just need clarification.
18. Don't complain about OUR vast array of shoes, and we won't pick on you about YOUR vast collection of "sneakers for every occasion".
17. Things you can help with scrubbing the bathroom, fixing things that don't need to be fixed, holding the instruction manuals while we put the new things together, and lighting a fire.
16. Shopping IS a spectator sport, and you are the lucky spectator. Accept this harsh reality, as will we when the roles reverse, say, at the local sporting goods store.
15. While the lingerie with strategic openings appeals to you, most of the time we pray the store will exchange it for something more comfortable when you're not looking.
14. How is it that men seem to lose their way to the laundry room after marriage? We know you did it before you married us, we've seen the pink underwear.
13. Sports Center comes on roughly every six hours. Plus they have continuous updates during every hour. If you miss something due to us talking to you, chances are you'll hear all about it in another 15 or so minutes, so relax.
12. We appreciate your input on most issues, but our Soap Operas aren't one of them. We already know she's the evil one, and he's screwing around. A recap complete with intervals of "I can't believe you're making me watch this" are unnecessary.
11. We know you watch Baywatch for the fine acting skills of the actors and actresses.
10. Even though you think Pamela Anderson is a babe, don't expect us to agree.
9. Women have a better sense of direction than men. Accept it.
8. When lost, getting out and asking for directions is okay. Driving around aimlessly and swearing is not.
7. Cut us some slack when we ask you questions about how sports are played and the rules. Help us understand these games better. Consider it your civic duty.
6. Beer burps are not considered a second language, even if you CAN burp the alphabet.
5. Towels dry faster when they are hung up on the towel rod, not crumpled on the floor.
4. Take time to smell the flowers. Then bring some home to remind us how much you care.
3. Psst... We're only lending you the remote... If you have kids, you know who really owns that T.V.
2. We really are the sex crazed maniacs you fell in love with. Just reset your clock to our female standard time, and you'll see what I mean.
1. Finally, don't show us where the oil goes, or the washer fluid, or even how to fix a car. This is one of the many reasons we married you.
Re: Since we're on the topic...
Quote:
Originally posted here by GreekGoddess
18. Don't complain about OUR vast array of shoes, and we won't pick on you about YOUR vast collection of "sneakers for every occasion".
i take offence to that, us guys dont have alot of shoes....... i mean...... damnit, i only have 2 pair of combat boots (cause i gave away the third), work boots (steal toes are a must), running shoes (for dust collection), work shoes (that thing that you always call in sick to cause you have a headache), dress shoes (the ones you always want me to wear on a date), comfy shoes (that i wear all the time and stink), sandals (tho there under the bed), night slippers (yes the ones you bought me that i never wear cause i dispise them cause there pink and YOU think thats cute), and socks (yes, socks ARE a form of shoes, after a while they become just as stiff as the rubber on my combat boots as long as you dont try and be halpfull and wash out all my hard work)
1, 2, 3,...... damnit, point taken!
:D
