Author: Unknown
(LA, California) Mattel announces their new line of Barbie
products, the "Hacker Barbie." These new dolls will be released
next month. The aim of these dolls is to negate the stereotype
that women are numerophobic, computer-illiterate, and
academically challenged.
This new line of Barbie dolls comes equipped with Barbie's very
own X-terminal and UNIX documentation as well as ORA's "In a
Nutshell" series. The Barbie clothing includes a dirty button-up
shirt and a pair of well-worn jeans. Accessories include a Casio
all-purpose watch, and glasses with lenses thick enough to set
ants on fire. (Pocket protectors and HP calculators optional.)
The new Barbie has the incredible ability to stare at the screen
without blinking her eyes and to go without eating or drinking
for 16 hours straight. Her vocabulary mainly consists of
technical terms such as "What's you're Internet address?", "I
like TCP/IP!", "Bummer! Your kernel must have gotten trashed,"
"Can't you grep that file?", and "DEC's Alpha AXP is awesome!"
"We are very excited about this product," said Ken Olsen,
Marketing Executive, "and we hope that the Hacker Barbie will
offset the damage incurred by the mathophobic Barbie." (A year
ago, Mattel released Barbie dolls that say, "Math is hard," with
a condescending companion Ken.) The Hacker Barbie's Ken is an
incompetent management consultant who frequently asks Barbie for
help.
The leading feminists are equally excited about this new line of
Barbie dolls. Naomi Falodji says, "I believe that these new dolls
will finally terminate the notion that women are inherently
inferior when it comes to mathematics and the sciences. However,
I feel that Ken's hierarchical superiority would simply reinforce
the patriarchy and oppress the masses." Mattel made no comment.
Parents, however, are worried that they will fall behind the
children technologically when the Hacker Barbie comes out. "My
daughter Jenny plays with the prototype Hacker Barbie for two
days," says Mrs. Mary Carlson of rural Oxford, Mississippi, "and
now she pays my credit card bill online. Got no idea how she does
it, but she surely does it. I just don't wanna be looked upon as
some dumb mama." Mattel will be offering free training courses
for those who purchase the Hacker Barbie.
The future Hacker Barbie will include several variations to deal
with the complex aspects of Barbie. "Hacker Barbie Goes to Jail"
will teach computer ethics to youngsters, while "BARBIE RITES
L1KE BIFF!!!" will serve as an introduction to expository writing.
