The most amusing Tech-Support call ever?

Quote:

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Tech: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Tech: "What sort of trouble?"

Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Tech: "Went away?"

Caller: "They disappeared."

Tech: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Caller: "Nothing."

Tech: "Nothing?"

Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

Tech: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

Caller: "How do I tell?"

Tech: "Can you see the "C" prompt on the screen?"

Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Tech: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Tech: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

Caller: "What's a monitor?"

Tech: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

Caller: "I don't know."

Tech: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Caller: "...Yes, I think so."

Tech: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

Caller: "...Yes, it is."

Tech: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Caller: "No."

Tech: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Caller: "...Okay, here it is."

Tech: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Caller: "I can't reach."

Tech: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

Caller: "No."

Tech: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

Tech: "Dark?"

Caller: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Tech: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Caller: "I can't."

Tech: "No? Why not?"

Caller: "Because there's a power outage."

Tech: "A power... a power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

CUST: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Tech: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Tech: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Tech: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer." - www.Yuckitup.com

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Well, it's the best one I've ever read...

It great to hear the classics again. This was really, really funny when I heard it the first time, and now that I am more experienced, it's even funnier. Thanks for the laugh.

-alittlebitnumb

i agree. funny stuff.

i dont know. in some respects, i dont think the guy should have gotten fired. he's absolutely right. some people really are too stupid to own a computer. speak and spell, maybe. but not a computer.

Wasn't he suing for wrongful dismissal?

He got fired? I would have promoted him!

-Hit the ANY key to continue-

Lol, good idea for a tech humour post. I'm gonna post a few of my funny ones.

It's really painful how stupid customers can be...
Most people who don't work in a helpdesk, they think its really funny... but its not.... Originally it is.... but after a while, it really starts to be quite a drain...

Explaining that the monitor is not the CPU..
Trying to get them to right click on my computer..
Asking them to type in something...
All these amazingly simple things, when repeated 500 times, causes your brain to melt.... And that's only supporting basic things...
when you get into more involved support, you can literally go crazy just listening to the people whinge about how this doesn't work, and its all your fault or telling you that they've done something that, no matter how you look at it, would place them as runners up in the Darwin Awards.....
Yes, I admit it.. it's my fault that you keep your red hat server next to the deep fryer, and its causing the PC to overheat...
Yes, its my fault that the cables for all your registers are faulty, I should've known that you would've been stupid enough to squash the cables under the registers....

Oh, its our fault that your reports aren't working??? Our shitty software...
Strange, when did you get this order of -500 boxes in....

To fix it, all you have to do is run this.... no, I'll spell it for you... what does that say... Command not found.. did you type it how I asked you to?? Yes.. okay, read it to me.... WHAT?!? That's nothing like what I told you to type!!!! ARHGHHHHHH!!!!

-Disclaimer-
I'm having a bad day.

A couple of calls where I've heard the tech support end speaking...:

[Rrrringg]
T: Tech Support.
C: ....
T: Yes?
C: ...
T: Yee-es..
C: ...
T: In Winamp?
C: ..
T: Sure you can.
C: ...
T: No, you see, when you remove the song it *only* removes it from the *playlist*.
C: ..
T: Yes, your CD is completely safe.
C: ..
T: Thank you, no problem.
[click]

Hehe. :)

Second one was where someone called and said their computer isn't working somehow and suspected that it might be because of his new GeForce-video card because their house is so old and the video card eats a lot of power and because the house is old the electricity system is old and it might not be able to run the card.
Yeah, how could they know 100 years ago that we are going to have *this* powerful video cards... :rolleyes::p

We have school teachers telling our kids that the Monitor is the CPU and the System Case/Tower is the Hard-drive/CD-ROM.. What hope for our kids?

A local primary school has an average of 1 workstation per 5 to 8 students.. great hey..
Same school, the childeren who have computers at home are expected to allow the "less fortunate" to use the schools computers.. two students were failed by the IT teacher because both couldn't use IE 5 successfuly.. one used Netscape at home the other Mozilla ... The teacher was asked to sit the same test using Opera, then Mozilla HE failed..
and what has this to do with tech support... This teacher rang me on the first day of school in 2000 (late January in Aus) he needed help fixing the damage the Y2K bug had caused a couple of computers... CMOS Batterys had failed over the holidays...

Talking to a customer about Digital Still Camera's.. his enquiry about cost and battery life and ease of use.. I chirped in with convienience and ability to share images with friends and relitives over the internet, or on cd..
His closing question.. And where do you get the Memory cards developed?


Cheers

That's funny! Exactly what i needed to put a big smile on my face. lol :D

........Memory cards developed........hahahahaha!!

I thought that when I gave up working on sound reinforcement I wouldn't have to put up with that kind of annoyance again. I remember once, assisting on a brasilian pop music show, the artist was supposed to perform some songs by herself with her guitar. The lights came down, the spotlight was on her and there was no sound from her guitar. This was supposed to be a veteran artist of more than 10 years. She already had recorded several LPs and was riding on the sucess of her latest album. The house was packed and in total silence. I guess she just forgot where she was, because she asked for assistance right into the mike.

Me and the house engineer were on the main mixing console right in the center of the music hall and since there was no Intercom and she was starting to freak out, we had to instruct her to turn on her amp in front of all paying customers. There was general laughter from the entire audience. On her third song you could still feel the embarassment on her performance.

Since this turned out into a public humiliation for her, I am wiling to bet that she will never make this mistake again.

Now the user, in the office I now work, that complained she couldn't print the document she edited on a printer standing on a desk in front of hers (about 6 feet away from her). Which I privately explained that was powered off. That one will probably bother some other poor support technician real soon.