How to Terroize a telemarketer

10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so
glad you asked because no one these days seems to care,
and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up,
my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

9. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them
to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name.
Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them
personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

8. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God!
Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy
a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out
where she could know you from.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the
Family and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice
as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"

6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just
filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

5. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration"
and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.

4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her
to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that
you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask
them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can
call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they
cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't
want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer
will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"

2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
"Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

And first and foremost:
1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.


One of my best posts yet.. Ive already done a couple of these. Hope you like. If you do ill most some more as soon at i get over my head ache from thinking about what to say. -Twisted-

LOL. I"ve heard of some of those before but not all of them.

Go to WalMart, buy one of those portable air-powered boat horns with a 5 mile range, place it next to the mouthpiece and push the button.....THATS how to terrorize a telemarketer.

My all time favorite (yes i realy did this). A carpet cleaning company called to advertise. I spent about 10 minutes listening to their sales pitch and then asked them if they could get blood stains out. When the tellemarketer resonded "yes sir we sure can" i asked in a semi frantic voice "well how quickly can you get here?" all i heard was a click and they never called again

Rofl, air horns rofl, going to try that allenb1963 good thinking :D. And TwistedSnyper great post very funny, you come up with some crazy things!!! But they make me laugh!!!
Cya --d00dz attackin--

Not bad Twisted the beas of the lot so far me thinks... :P

Quote:

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Originally posted here by allenb1963
Go to WalMart, buy one of those portable air-powered boat horns with a 5 mile range, place it next to the mouthpiece and push the button.....THATS how to terrorize a telemarketer.

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ah! wal-mart!!!!!!!!! /me the telemarketer runs away in total fear/panic

i had one calling trying to sell me a vacuum or something, so i put the phone next to an amp and turned the distortion up VERYd high and started hitting HIGH ass notes....for some reason they didnt like it :( Sometimes i just play around with them, like when one called asking to have me buy life insurance and me asking them if they had any becuase they were annoying me and i wanted to kill them....then of course one asking about child care, i dont have children but she seemed shocked to hear if she wanted to make some with me. there so easy to get.

Lol, great post. One time a surveyor called me and wanted to take a poll for what music I listened to. I told her that I was deaf in one of my ears and didn't listen to music. I started accusing her of making fun of me and discriminating against me, then I asked to speak to the person that was in charge of what she was doing. She kept on insisting that she wasn't making fun of me and sounded like she was about to cry. She said that she was very sorry and would never call again. After that I laughed in her face, called her a stupid bitch, and hung up. (true story)

Quote:

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Go to WalMart, buy one of those portable air-powered boat horns with a 5 mile range, place it next to the mouthpiece and push the button.....THATS how to terrorize a telemarketer.

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That should do the trick.

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I know this sounds simple, but i just turn on the news and hold the phone up to the tv. I always catch them whispering to their tele' freinds in the background. Better yet im just gonna go get the zapper, which can also be found in walmart. :rofl:

Quote:

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10. When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so
glad you asked because no one these days seems to care,
and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up,
my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."

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Very Good Twisted that quote has to be one of the funniest things that i ve ever heard. Lmao too bad you got banned you had some of the funniest jokes that ive ever read.

"too bad you got banned "

your back anyway arent you?

Yea gore its twisedsnyper look at the profile. Well he'll get baned again if he keeps up the same stuff that got him baned before

i did look, i got suspicious when he replied to like every damn post with a one liner that didnt help the post at all if it was a question, and then the one liner **** in the humor board, and then when he replied to his own banned posts i was like yup, popped open the profile and saw it, i made a post about it on his other post but no responce....i wouldnt care but i hate it when people get like, for example, kicked from a chat room, and come back on another name pretending they arent who they are.

Then the post saying "its a shame you were banned your posts were the best" or somethin like that...i was like ****.

Soooooo, to snyper, QUIT MAKING ONE LINER POSTS, and dont post things that have already been posted which is hard because i OWN the tech humor board and iv posted a **** load. and also, dont reply to a thread like the one where you said basically "yea do what he said" thats pointless, follow that and you can stay longer maybe.

wow....so many great idea, im almost dissapointed that i signed up for the national do not call list...

ummmmm well as someone who works as a telesales agent am glad aint called any of you lot - tho it does get frustrating as what i call about is a good product aimed to save customers of a shitty Telecommunications company *coughs*BT*coughs* alot of money - but some people aint willing to listen
but it can be fun and i aint pushy - tho i do get alot of sales
plus work place is class with awards of beer etc for sales (as well as wage and commison)

v_Ln

Fruit, all these posts were funny.
I spewed out my mouthfull of coffee, i'm laughing so hard it's hurting

God i love this place.....

Anyhow cheers and i'm gonna search for the other ones or just sit here waiting for the next lot to appear

I had a site for a guy that only terrorizes telemarketers. He was funny. One girl that called him he ended up calling back and firing her. haha. I will have to find it and post the site. Oh another one is http://www.touchtoneterrorists.com/ I will find that other site and post it later.

PeacE
-BoB

Okay found the guy. His name is Tom Mabe you can check him out at http://ww.tommabe.com or download some of his songs on kazaa.

LOL very good!!

I have these telemarketers calling me all the time asking me if I want to refinance my home I say to them "Really? You're going to let me refinance my in-laws house? That's cool!" and they hang up on me..heheh....Or all time favorite is the telemarketer who called and wanted to sell me replacement windows. I asked them "Are you real quiet while replacing them?" "why" they ask "because I don't want my in-laws to find out I replaced their windows in their home!"

well when telemarketers call me in the office or at home i just ask them is this call going to make me money with out me investing some ? they answer no and try to explaind and i just say ok if it doesn't going to make me money bye bye LOL

Quote:

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Originally posted here by allenb1963
Go to WalMart, buy one of those portable air-powered boat horns with a 5 mile range, place it next to the mouthpiece and push the button.....THATS how to terrorize a telemarketer.

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Haha, I actually did this one time, my husband and I have a boat, and we keep an airhorn on the boat, and we had just got done "winterizing" the boat...cleaning it out and covering it, etc. I just happened to have the air horn sitting on the counter next to the phone when it rang, and so I let them talk for a minute, long enough to get into their spiel, and then let loose w/ it. Gave it a good honk, 10-15 seconds, and when I put the phone back up to my ear, it was a dial-tone :D Guess it worked, that particular company has never called me back afaik.

Debs :: you need to be carefull tho with that cause I know in most companys all calls are digitally recorded (thats why within the first 3 mins in the uk they must inform you that the "call may be recorded and monitored for traing purposes and your peace of mind" - lol
and if you had caused injury to the caller in the Uk they could actually sue for it - dont know about the legislation in the US but I think they prolly could as well

v_Ln

no no no...when telemarketers call you gotta try to sell them somthing!...or .. sya that you work for that same componey...or .. ask tem how there day is going..then tell them you are wearing new socks..and if they hang up one you..thats when you call there boss and complain! ;)

How about this?

Telemarketer> Hello, my I please speak to Mrs. X?
Me> I'm sorry, she passed away last year.
Telemarketer> Oh. Sorry to hear that. Is Mr. X home?
Me> No, I'm sorry, he's in jail.

or

Telemarketer> Hello, this is green lawn care, wonderig if you would like your lawn fertilized this year?
Me> No, I'm sorry, our lawn burned down last year.

Those are my favorites. My brother actually came up with them. I still use them whenever I can. They never stop being funny.

our lawn burned down?...LOL!
ide like to see that

This is why women will never be understood by men......... (and it's on topic..... ;) )

My name isn't difficult, really.... If you can read English it's really rather simple..... but for some reason the bleeding "jellymarkerters" seem to have no end of trouble getting their illiterate tongues around it..... So converstions used to go like this:-

[Me] Hello
[Them] Is Mr {my name completely mangled} there please......
[Me] Well, with that pronunciaton you have no F***ing clue who you are calling do you?
[Them] Er...... No, I don't....
[Me] Then before you _ever_ call this f***ing number again learn to read plain f**ing English and get my f***ing name right..... OK?
[Them] Er... I'm sorr.....
[Me] SLAM..... (Phone going down).....

Now, to my dearly beloved that was quite acceptable..... Nothing was ever said on the hundreds of occasions I did that to the "jellymarketer".....

Well.... I changed my tactics..... For a giggle and to make their job a little more.... er.... Time consuming..... ;) So the conversation would go like this:-

[Me] Hello
[Them] Is Mr {my name completely mangled} there please......
[Me] Yes.... Er.... Can you hang on a second please....
[Them] Certainly Sir....
[Me] Cool...... One sec.... (place phone down on the counter and walk away and carry on with what I was doing...... Come back later and see if the "beep, beep, beep" is going indicating that they have hung up...... Repeat process until "beep, beep, beep" is heard.... hang up phone.....

Now, from the first time I did this I get 5 minutes "earache" from the dearly beloved re: how rude that is of me.......

Now. correct me if I am wrong but scenario one was aggressive, abusive, rude and obnoxious. In scenario 2 I am polite, respectful and kind......

So can any of you "girlies" out there explain why scenario 2 is so much worse than scenario 1????? ;)

I don't no what the young lady was selling but she asked my mother some very personel questions, my mother very politly said i think you should talk to one of my sons. My brother who was 16/17 at the time did not know why the phone was being passed to him but exepted the reciever and listend to a women asking how often do you have sex, etc etc.

After about 30 seconds of him saying how he liked to involve a dog and horse or 2 she hung up. How many people can say they have descusted a perv caller. LOL

u r surely having lot of exp.